The Adventure.

The moment.

2009-06-30T23:59:00.000+08:00

It is time to close this blog. Because the adventure - at least part one of it - is over.

I am back in Singapore.

I am starting work.

And I am starting a new life, a life different from what I have in the US, and a life different from what I used to lead when I last lived here.

Now I am a Christian.

Now I am an active member of society.

Now I earn my own keep.

Soon I can truly call myself Singaporean.

What and where will I be heading to from now on? I do not know at this point, but I have evolved, and I will continue to evolve.

Evolution.
http://hylau.wordpress.com

Update your bookmarks if you want to continue to follow my posts!

愛得太遲

2009-06-25T13:10:00.003+08:00

Really - this song is popular because it speaks to a lot of us.

It speaks to ME.

Pardon my translation. I want this to reach out to more people... and this is a real story.

愛得太遲
歌手：古巨基　作曲：楊鎮邦　填詞：林夕

我過去　那死黨　早晚共對
My good friend and I were together day and night in the past
各也紮職以後　沒法暢聚
After we started working, we can do that no more
而終於相約到　但無言共對　疏淡如水
When we eventually get together, we have nothing to say to each other
We no longer feel for each other -

日夜做　見爸爸　剛好想呻
After working day and night, I saw my dad and just wanted to complain -
卻霎眼　看出他多了皺紋
But suddenly, I see more wrinkles on him
而他的蒼老感　是從來未覺　太內疚擔心
I have never sensed that he has gotten older
I feel regretful and worried...

最心痛是　愛得太遲
Love that comes too late is the most painful
有些心意　不可等某個日子
Certain gestures cannot wait till the right day
盲目地發奮　忙忙忙其實自私
It is actually selfish to work and keep oneself busy blindly
夢中也習慣　有壓力要我得志
I am used to it even in my dreams, that
I am expected to succeed
最可怕是　愛需要及時　只差一秒　心聲都已變歷史
The most scary thing is, love needs to come at the right time
One second passes and all would have become history
忙極亦放肆　見我愛見的相知
No matter how busy I am I still want to meet the one I love
要抱要吻要怎麼也好　偏要推說等下一次
To hug, to kiss, to do whatever
It has to be delayed till the next time

我也覺我體質彷似下降　看了症　得到是別要太忙
I also felt that I am getting weaker
The doctor said that I shouldn't be working too hard
而影碟都掃光　但從來未看　因有事趕
I have bought all the DVDs
But I have never watched them, because there are things to do
日夜做　儲的錢都應該夠　到聖誕　正好講跟我白頭
I worked day and night, I should have saved enough money
When Christmas came, I proposed to her
誰知她開了口　未能挨下去　已恨我很久
But she said, she couldn't wait for me already
And she had hated me for a long time

錯失太易　愛得太遲　我怎想到　她忍不到那日子
It is too easy to miss - my love came too late
How would I have thought, that she could not wait till that day
盲目地發奮　忙忙忙從來未知　幸福會掠過　再也沒法說鍾意
Working hard blindly, as I was keeping myself busy, I never knew
That happiness would fly by, and I cannot say I like her again
愛一個字　也需要及時　只差一秒　心聲都已變歷史
This word 'love', also has to be at the right time
One second passes and all would have become history
為何未放肆　見我愛見的相知
Why didn't I daringly try to meet the one I love
要抱要吻要怎麼也好　不要相信一切有下次
To hug, to kiss, to do whatever
Do not believe that there will always be a 'next time'

相擁我所愛又花幾多秒
How many seconds does it take to hug someone I love?
這幾秒　能夠做到又有多少
How much can I do in these few seconds?
未算少　足夠遺憾忘掉
Not little at all
Enough to regret and forget...

多少抱憾　多少過路人　太懂估計　卻不懂愛錫自身
How much regrets, how many passer-bys
Know how to calculate too well, but does not know how to take care of themselves
人人在發奮　想起他朝都興奮
Everyone is working hard; it is exciting to just think about the future
但今晚未過　你要過也很吸引
But tonight is not over yet -
If you want it to be over, that is enticing too
縱不信運　你不過是人　理想很遠　愛於咫尺卻在等
Although you do not believe in destiny, you are still just human
Your ambitions are far-fetched, love is right next to you yet it is waiting
來日別操心　趁你有能力開心
Don't worry too much about your future
Live a happy life while you still can
世界有太多東西發生　不要等到天上俯瞰
There are too many things happening in this world
Do not wait until you have to watch from heaven...

細水長流

2009-06-21T22:05:00.005+08:00

對我們這些華校生來說, 這首歌是有特別的意義的...

尤其是現在 - 即將要分離的時刻.

其實, 無論是那一種感情, 在一段轟轟烈烈過後, 都必須回歸平靜, 進入細水長流的狀態, 才有可能持久...

'黃河之水天上來'般的感情, 除非你的愛是無窮盡的, 我們一介凡人, 如何能有精力維持?

我們 - 還是細水長流吧. 朋友們, 我們三十年以後, 去溫哥華吃燒鵝!

細水長流 - 梁文福

年少時候　誰沒有夢
無意之中　你將心願透露
就在你生日的時候　我將小小口琴送
最難忘記　你的笑容

友情的細水慢慢流　流進了你我的心中
曾在球場邊為你歡呼　你跌傷我揹負
夜裡流星飛渡　想像着他日的路途
晚風聽着我們壯志無數

年少時候　誰沒有愁
滿腔憤概　唯有你能聽得懂
每當我失意的時候　你將那首歌吹奏
琴聲悠悠　解我輕憂

歲月的細水慢慢流　流到了別離的時候
輕拍你的肩　聽我說朋友不要太惆悵
霓虹縱然再囂張　我們的步履有方向
成敗不論切莫將昔日遺忘

多年以後　又再相逢
我們都有了疲倦的笑容
問一聲我的朋友　何時再為我吹奏
是否依舊　是否依舊

人生的際遇千百種　但有知心長相重
人願長久　水願長流　年少時候

1990 - Singapore.

知足

2009-06-16T10:35:00.005+08:00

This song is forever going to be on my playlist... I love it to bits.

五月天 - 阿信版:

梁靜茹版:

怎麼去擁有　一道彩虹　怎麼去擁抱　一夏天的風
天上的星星　笑地上的人　總是不能懂　不能覺得足夠

如果我愛上　你的笑容　要怎麼收藏　要怎麼擁有
如果你快樂　不是為我　會不會放手　其實才是擁有

當一陣風吹來　風箏飛上天空　為了你而祈禱　而祝福　而感動
終於你身影　消失在　人海盡頭　才發現　笑著哭　最痛

那天你和我　那個山丘　那樣的唱著　那一年的歌
那樣的回憶　那麼足夠　足夠我天天　都品嚐著寂寞

Hey please nothing to do with my state of mind. I am just naturally fond of songs like this.

And I am rather amused about what people have been talking about these days (random, baseless, nonsensical rumours and teases that if Grace is around I think she will kill all of us)... Though, while being very open about my past, present, life philosophies and bottom line such that people do not find me interesting at all (this is my strategy of keeping myself rumour-free - and I don't just say those 曖昧 'NOOOO-es' to rumours about myself that came to me - I WARN those people about consequences :P), I managed to guard other people's history pretty well. I am rather proud of myself :)

Packing Stage 2.

2009-06-14T13:23:00.007+08:00

I spent the whole day sorting out stuff in my room today - what to pack home and what to throw, give out and sell. Basically I can afford to fill up 3 bags and that is it.

Dug out some stuff that I still kept with me -

This is a poster that each of us made on the last day of OBS - basically, you write stuff on it and let others write on it too.

I digitised it and ditched it - I can't possibly keep everything can I.

This is the first pair of boarding passes that brought me to the USA. I have no idea why I still have them - I thought I started collecting boarding passes only when I got my new passport wallet. Anyway they are staying happily with their friends now...

What interesting change. I used to think - SQ is a must for long-haul. Now - that is just stupidity... Unless SQ has a competitive price and gives me miles, I will not buy their tickets. I have learnt to realise that paying less money and collecting those miles so that I can go for more trips more cheaply is a way better idea compared to paying for more and get no miles for 3 better meals (you probably don't know what you are eating anyway). I don't get more legroom; and for entertainment system - CX, VS, NH, KE - even DL - has comparable systems...

I definitely changed also in terms of what I am concerned about. The reflection that I wrote on another piece of OBS material after the whole thing has something like 'I know it will be hard for me to find a partner...' Now - since I have already left it to God, what is there for me to worry about? That doesn't occupy my life that much anymore - there are more interesting things to focus on...

But I do still kaypoh about other people's lives. Heh.

Ah. I still feel kind of regretful about the kind of crap life I have when I was a freshman. I don't even want to classify that as 'memories' because it is not pleasant. Too many 'I should have done this and not this...' kind of stuff. Well, it is not too late to realise that is truly not what I want...

Parents.

2009-06-12T22:12:00.003+08:00

It wasn't too long ago when it is still a must for me to 'listen to my parents'. Now:

At BWI airport. Chinese take-out stall.

Dad: Give me the Shanghai Lo Mein lah!
Server: ???
Dad: (Looks at me intently) HUH?
Me: He wants Shanghai Lo Mein for here.
Server: Chicken or pork?
Dad: (Looks at me intently) HUH?
Me: 你要雞定係豬肉呀?
Dad: 雞啦!
Me: Chicken.
(Abridged...)

(Er - I thought he can use English pretty well. Until that day...)

Some time during the trip.

(For simplicity translated into English.)
Me: Let me know what do you guys want to see! (I feel bad always dragging them around and not asking for opinion.)
Mum: Go ahead and see what you want to see - we will just follow. We will be happy as long as we see you and we don't care what else we see.

(Like that also can - I am not surprised if they completely have no idea where they will be 12 hours later at any moment, despite I have already sent them the itinerary well in advance...)

A couple of days later I talked to my sister - she was telling me that they are like that even in Hong Kong. My sister has always been in charge of ordering food when they visit...! It is not only because they are not used to the American way of doing things...!

In some sense they are becoming less and less independent and confident - especially my dad. You should see how uptight he was on the day when they were supposed to go to Vancouver on their own because my flight to Baltimore was a couple of hours earlier. 22 years ago my mum survived for a couple of weeks with me in America with rather bad English, just like how I survived France and Peru and Germany now - and now they needed me to feel secure in a place they have visited so many times before.

不想長大? 要不想都不行. Reality speaks itself - unless all these is just a dream.

CAM.

2009-06-08T07:42:00.002+08:00

(Skip this post for pictures below~!)

This is my stand on Complementary and Alternative Medicine (CAM): written as a reply to someone else's post. I take a moderate stand such that while I believe patients should be given the freedom to pursue it, they must still be primarily under the care of regular doctors, and I still strongly believe in the doctrines and methods of medical science.

alright let me put this upfront as well - the point of me commenting is that i strongly believe that, as future doctors and scientists, we cannot afford to be outwardly hostile towards CAM, regardless of our personal beliefs. that is because we want our future patients to tell us honestly what sorts of CAM they have since used and are intending to use, and we do not want them to conceal such important information out of fear of being ridiculed, or simply distrust us altogether because the alternative practitioner sounds nicer and more convincing.

when i say 'uproot', i mean 'to remove completely from society'. has evidence-based medicine successfully done that? no - and i believe that it is because, as you and me know too well, there are too many things traditional scientific medicine does not know and cannot do. we do not know the cause of, let alone a definitive treatment for, devastating yet relatively common problems such as fibromyalgia (some people even suggest that this problem does not exist physiologically). and seemingly simple problems, such as a UTI, can develop into sepsis and become fatal. this provides a gap for alternative medicine to exist - unless traditional scientific medicine is able to solve everyone's problems, it is not going to remove alternative medicine, whether or not alternative medicine is effective or not.

well - it is your choice to be annoyed. however - note that it is because of your training and beliefs (okay it is also mine :P) that cause you to strongly think that qi and acupoints do not exist, and homeopathy does not make sense. traditional chinese practitioners are trained to believe that these things exist - from their perspectives, these things are real and this is how they view the human body. for proper practitioners, their intentions are not to trick you into believing something 'unreal' - what they want is to cure you using methods which they are convinced to work.

what patients are the most concerned about is whether a method works, and they will try any method that gives them confidence. we should see ourselves as a strong competitor of CAM - as long as patients have confidence in us, they will trust us and cooperate with us in terms of treatment. if a patient wants to try acupuncture to help with her arthritis, we should warn her of possible side effects and the absence of scientific evidence, remind her to adhere to her drug schedule and appointments, give her recommendations if possible, and leave the decision to her. as long as a procedure is safe, and the patient feels convinced that she should try it, she should have the freedom to pursue it as long as we are kept informed.

yes, i agree that CAM practitioners should be regulated, and should not be allowed to make claims suggesting that their methods are 'scientifically proven' while in fact they're not. this is up to the FDA to come out with something (in fact it has). but as long as they do not harm patients, i don't see anything wrong in letting them say that they might help with certain problems. the writer in the BCA lawsuit is appealing based on 'freedom of speech' - this is an interesting position to have...!

also, yes, placebos sometimes do cost a lot of money, and in the end it is not likely to work. but if the placebo gives the patient some form of hope and psychological well-being, and is not known to have adverse health effects, i believe that patients should be given the freedom to pursue it while being monitored by a doctor.

sometimes, even traditional scientific medicine functions this way. the point of palliative care for late-stage cancer patients is to do something to try to relieve symptoms even though it might not make a difference in the end. i have a case like that now, and my parents depend on me to decide what to do - i am advising them to put the patient's quality of life at highest priority and to do anything to maintain that, while i know anything would simply be an 'ineffective placebo' towards the disease. similarly, some forms of CAM, such as qi gong and reiki, can also help to give patients a sense of well-being and improve their quality of life.

well, do you know NCCAM (a branch of NIH) classifies prayer as a form of CAM too?

Since I MIAed from here:

2009-06-06T23:25:00.015+08:00

玫瑰

吃光了媽煮的飯

朋友

校長

旅行

Monterey: 看別人結婚

Big Sur: Stopping every 3 minutes

Morro Bay: 海邊的生物

Eating PF Chang's at Bakersfield

Red Cliff State Park: 在路上

Mount Whitney: 瀑布旁

死谷

西半球海拔最低點

After climbing up a gully

神雕俠旅

Entering Nevada

超級自助餐

賭城

青年旅社

鹽湖城

LDS temple pipe organ performance

試一下是不是真的是鹹的?

愛達荷州一廁所

黃石公園: 雪山+溫泉

黃石峽谷 + 彩虹

紀錄牛擋路

死不了

行山

有雪!

媽: 一步一驚心

Beehive Geyser: 蜂巢大噴發

水滾

好恩愛~~ (-_-")

問爸爸三分鐘之後他幹了些什麼好事?

Jenny Lake: 湖畔野餐 (我們的迪欣湖#1)

洗車

怪不得寸草不生...

Craters of the Moon: 名副其實的月球

蒼涼

Shoshone: 路邊茶餐廳

Shoshone Falls of the Snake River: 西方的尼亞加拉

交叉點

加油站

Lake Tahoe: 我們的迪欣湖#2

湖邊小屋

Fremont: 山上夜景

Last week -

2009-05-11T05:30:00.002+08:00

I should blog a little bit about my life...

Although it is exam period, I am going out more often than non-exam period.

Honestly, I do not care much about exams already. I only study when I want to, and I don't feel any sense of urgency at all. Well, the only things that stand between me and my diploma are TWO exams. TWO.

In 20 minutes I will be going out for some free awesome Chinese dinner in a new awesome Chinese dimsum restaurant that opened about two months ago. And 2 hours ago I just came back from lunch at Jong Kak.

Well - this is my graduation week! Nothing is going to stop me from having fun. I am not going to see some of my friends regularly ever again - who can stop me from hanging out with them?

Work-wise, I should be able to write up my results for publication soon. I should also be presenting in June - that would be an awesome chance for me to consolidate my data, and set out my paper's layout.

I am also reading up some bits of my next PI's work on myostatin, sarcopenia and cachexia. I have a friend here who is interested in the topic as well, and she is considering that possibility as her PhD thesis project under pathobiology. I know there is a non-pathology Hopkins lab (I think those people should be from cell biology or molecular genetics) working on that - I will first ask my next PI about that first - and let's see what opportunities can there be.

And I hope that I will be working on something that will link me to doctors! I want to find out how pathology in Singapore is like, and I want to know what Singapore already has in terms of physician - scientist collaborations.

Okay time to go. By the way, very inspired by these people from Hong Kong - these are the crazy hikers (I don't think you can even call them hikers). Check out their photos! HK has everything - and is beautiful!

http://www.wildtrekking.net/content.htm

Swine Flu

2009-05-05T11:11:00.002+08:00

When I go back 2 months later, let's see what this advice will become.

Issued by Singapore's MOH:

For travellers who are returning from other areas with evidence of community transmission of Influenza A (H1N1-2009) (i.e., the states of California, New York and Texas in the United States, and the state of Nova Scotia in Canada), MOH advises them to stay at home for seven days, monitor their temperature daily and check themselves for symptoms of flu-like illness. They should refrain from joining mass gatherings, e.g., going to the cinemas, shopping malls, supermarkets, etc. Those who develop respiratory illness with fever (temperature > 38 deg C) within seven days after their return should put on a surgical mask and call 993 for an ambulance. They should also disclose their travel histories to their doctors.

Singapore has cancelled all clinical postings for medical students (according to people who are in Hopkins on electives), recalled medical students on exchange overseas - and Hong Kong quarantined one hotel.

Well, I am still walking through the hospital corridors just like everyone else. The cafeteria is selling the usual burgers and smoothies and it is crowded as usual.

Singapore has 0 case. Hong Kong has 1. Maryland has 4. New York has 71.

This is a very interesting contrast - although I completely understand why Hong Kong and Singapore are reacting so strongly. Hong Kong does not want to take any chance - especially after SARS which basically beat them to the ground during those 3 months.

But look at how chill the Americans are. Even if you go onto YouTube to look for advisory videos posted by the CDC, the guy explaining stuff sounds as if he is not interested at all. If you go look at the CDC website, they show you a lot of interesting statistics and advice - but they are presented as if those are information on the negative effects of nicotine.

The general attitude that I sense is: Yeah this is something new and (maybe not so) cool. If I fall sick, I will stay at home. If I cannot breathe, I will call 911. If I don't have to go to school or go to work, I will go somewhere to hang out. Other than that, there is nothing to worry about. Seasonal flu kills more people.

At least for now...!

Read this if you are interested.
http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/

:)

2009-05-03T01:55:00.003+08:00

At this moment, I feel happy and proud for my fellow Singaporeans.

AWARE EGM 2 May 2009 - Wayangparty Coverage
TOC Coverage

And this is pretty well written too -

TOC perspectives - view on AWARE

Haha who are you?

2009-04-29T14:28:00.004+08:00

Discovered someone was very interested in my life last Saturday afternoon. If you see this message, thanks for being interested (I really mean it...)! I guess I am kind of exhibitionist to a certain extent too.

Following the links back to my old posts, I found this paragraph:

However there is one good thing about this: my expenditure has decreased significantly for the past week. When I opened my accounts book almost all the entries were 'Lunch' or food related, and it amounts to only around 5 bucks a day except grocery day.

It is posted 26 September 2006, which now I consider one of the saddest (or rather, the most 可憐) moments of my life.

Now? Errrr. 5 bucks a day?! I think I ought to reflect a little on how much money I spend these days. Need to be more alert on the free food search...

Right. When I go back to Singapore, I will be earning 1.5x more money and things will be 1.5x cheaper. But will have to give money to parents and pay my own bills still... I think I should just cut down on the amount of food I eat :P

3 verses and 2 links.

2009-04-24T09:45:00.004+08:00

I will reserve this for later - no time now.

Genesis 1:28
God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.'

Matthew 7:1-2
'Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you used, it will be measured to you.'

Matthew 22:21
Then he said to them, 'Give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's.'

Application to current affairs:
http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/424496/1/.html

http://wayangparty.com/?p=8162

Back to life w/o car.

2009-04-24T02:02:00.003+08:00

This is all that is left of my car now.

In an amazing way all was settled and sealed within 36 hours. I don't have to worry about it anymore - I don't have to go and find a dealer or a junkyard myself. Everything is done.

Yesterday morning was action-packed. At ~7am the car died in the middle of Martin Luther King and created a small jam when yc was sending his friend to the airport. He called me immediately and I rushed down to MLK with a cab, which his friend took to the airport. I called AAA, paid ~$65 and got a tow-truck to come. I got it towed to the mechanic that I usually go to. He looked at it and said, if I were to fix it, it will cost around $1500.

Wow. Of course I am not going to - and he offered to junk it for me. I gave him my papers. There is some crazy administrative glitch on the car (maybe the glitch was around when GCS had the car already, I would never have known): the VIN on the title and the VIN on the car don't match (the car information that GCS gave me was completely wrong anyway: the car was a 1993 Mitsubishi (not 1990) - that is a side issue). I tried to ask him for some money but the glitch put me in a very weak position. So anyway, he still offered to junk it for me, but I didn't get back anything. That is actually still awesome - if he refuses to take the car, I wouldn't know what to do really.

Today I went to the MVA (completely by MTA okay - I didn't know that is even doable until today) to return the tags and called to cancel my insurance. Progressive is going to return me ~$93 because my insurance is pro-rated. That is awesome.

So now I am back to a life without a car - and I really must thank God for forcing me to solve this problem now and making everything so smooth for me. When I still have the car, I have always been pondering when should I go to the MVA to solve the admin problem (because in order to transfer the title - especially to a dealership or anyone that I do not know - they will want perfect documentation) and to where should I bring the car to - and I really do not have time to do all these. I have already made it clear to my friends that I will not sell it to them - only 1 person has said that he might want it actually but I have told him that anyway - because it is really going to become a liability pretty soon. In addition, the car couldn't pass emissions inspection - and the amount of money needed to fix that is at the $300 - $400 range - and that needs to be addressed before registration expires in September. I absolutely do not want to do that, and I have not attempted to.

Haha so mum/dad, sorry hor. No more car already. Take train and bus with me :D

Make-up.

2009-04-19T19:45:00.007+08:00

There was once I was telling people how I do not prefer girls who wear (too much) make-up -

I was saying, using make-up for professional / courtesy / fun reasons are acceptable, but depending on make-up to define how one looks is not, and as far as I am concerned, I can somehow pick up hints of materialism and / or insecurity from that.

And I found a comrade who expressed this way better than I do!

He approached this from a different angle, but his message is similar to mine, albeit a lot more PC and way watered-down:

http://www.wretch.cc/blog/Lionchain/23247286
(Visit the link! This guy doesn't only write very well, he draws very well too! His blog entries are basically comic strips!)

無論女生再怎麼化妝也不會比乾淨的素顏更讓人覺得親切。

無論女生在怎麼努力裝可愛也不會比燦爛的傻笑來的可愛。

無論女生的行頭再怎麼名貴也比不上賢慧更讓人覺得珍貴。

無論女生再怎麼扭腰擺臀也不會比跑步中的女孩更有魅力。

最讓男生心動的絕對不是那些外在附加的東西...
那些東西頂多是輔助品，真正讓男生心動的絕對是那最原始的純真。

只屬於女性才有的純真。

SEXY的確是很多女生追求的終極目標...
但是我敢保證男生真正喜歡的是PURE SEXY! [I do not understand this phrase.]
男生真正喜歡的也不是beautiful而已，而是natural beauty！
當然不是叫女生不要化妝，化妝絕對是一種禮貌，甚至是一種變美的藝術。
懂得化妝和打扮很好！有時候能讓自己的際遇和心情都變的更好....
但是我想說的是不要太過依賴外在附加的東西來提升自己的魅力，卻在不知不覺中，忘記了妳本來就有的魅力。
千萬不要覺得自己沒化妝或沒提名牌包就見不得人...

我相信每個女孩都是上天滴下的寶石！
每個女孩都有自己最原始的魅力！
講坦白一點...

妝總有要卸的一天。

假如妳對自己沒有自信，那就算是化了妝、穿了名牌，妳還是只能用面具掩蓋妳自己真正的魅力。

(That which touches guys the most is not all those extras that are external - those things are accessories at most. That which touches guys the most is definitely just the purest innocence. ... If you are not confident about yourself, even if you have worn make-up or branded stuff, you are still just using a mask to hide your real charm.)

He claims that 90% of guys will agree to this.

And I am a staunch supporter - just as I am a proponent for the campaign against bottled water...

Scared what?

2009-04-14T06:05:00.003+08:00

Die already la.

I just submitted a paper, went for a small test and a big test today.

And I had a total of 60 hours to prepare for everything, and it is not like I could have used every minute of that 60 hours. At most, I would think, I used 50% of that 60 hours only.

Consequences = no time to prepare anything well. I spent the most time on the paper, working till around 6am Sunday morning, and then studied through Sunday night for the two tests.

Cannot la. I don't know why they love asking for so much detail about dendritic cells - it wasn't anywhere in my notes. I saw that coming, and yet I don't have time or energy to go figure it out. There are also stuff that I stupidly omitted like not putting 'CD80/86 receptor' as the function of CD28 while merely saying it is a T-cell second signal receptor.

Okay, consolation is - even if I get an average B+ for this semester (i.e. ALL my graded classes B+ or getting a B- for immunobiology or something), my GPA will still be above 3.85. NOT SCARED.
___________________________________________________
ein Gedicht von Martin Niemöller.

Als die Nazis die Kommunisten holten,
habe ich geschwiegen;
ich war ja kein Kommunist.

Als sie die Sozialdemokraten einsperrten,
habe ich geschwiegen;
ich war ja kein Sozialdemokrat.

Als sie die Gewerkschafter holten,
habe ich nicht protestiert;
ich war ja kein Gewerkschafter.

Als sie die Juden holten,
habe ich geschwiegen;
ich war ja kein Jude.

Als sie mich holten,
gab es keinen mehr, der protestieren konnte.

Singing mice...

2009-04-13T05:46:00.001+08:00

Somewhere Out There (The American Tail - 1987)

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

Certainty in uncertainty.

2009-04-12T04:07:00.003+08:00

Makansutra came to Baltimore on Thursday and Friday.

Joseph, Grace and me went to meet Kf Seetoh. We went to Obryski’s – he was amazed by the crab cake (but he didn’t like the soup). The next day Joseph brought him to Faidleys – he loved that one even more.

After dinner on Thursday Joseph sent Seetoh back to his hotel, and before he left, he told us: ‘Lead a good life.’

After he left, Joseph commented: ‘I am pretty sure we all will.’

Then I said, ‘Yeah I hope I will – in Singapore…’

After that the conversation took a nosedive into crap.

Anyway, crap is not the point of my comment.

By going down the path I am intending to go now, I am literally pledging my life to Singapore in addition to my bonds.

I am not unhappy – but I still feel uncertain. It is not that I do not know what I am going to do in the next 5 years. This uncertainty is general. I feel like, by setting my heart on this, I am getting onto a boat with certainty yet sailing into unpredictable territory.

It is like Columbus – when he first sailed from Spain, he knew for sure he wanted to sail that way. However, as the boat left port, he would not have known whether he would return rich, broke or dead.

Other than the relatively obscure future of my industry in Singapore, Singapore is also at the crossroads where it has to somehow change.

How can a country so dependent on its people and talents continue to run with a culture of self-censorship, a media that is losing credibility, high-level officials without a sense of public accountability, an achievement-obsessed environment, and the hypocrisy in ‘national identity’ when people are taught the essence of kiasuism (or more harshly, opportunism) by society and the establishment day after day?

Do we even have a set of core values? Although we do criticise the American dream as hypocrisy, but Americans still do have some groundwork in their country’s core values.

Is there anything we can be proud of regarding our system of government? Our education, our media? Our culture? Probably food, yes.

We doubt our election system, we don’t fully trust our courts of law, we think that our media is government-controlled, we don’t get serious answers for issues we care about, people who advocate the learning of dialects are being called ‘foolish’, and in order to retain talents, the government needs to ‘bond’ them…

Do you think this can continue for another 50 years? Does a country like that sound stable to you in the long run?

I read in today’s newspapers that Taiwan is also looking into developing medical tourism, with their target being the mainland Chinese. They have a significant advantage – a cultural advantage that we do not have because our government has successfully diminished it (ask the hospital doctors to explain things to you in proper Chinese).

We are always facing tough competition, but we are always told that we have advantages over others. It is time to think – what are these advantages actually? If we do not even trust that we have these advantages anymore, we have to do something about it before it is too late.

Honestly, I do not have a lot of faith in Singapore. But I trust God...

WHAT no free food?!

2009-04-12T00:21:00.004+08:00

Problem when university endowment went down by 30%:

German.

2009-04-09T00:38:00.003+08:00

German is a crazy language to learn.

Zum Beispiel:

Nachdem Sushi in der Bibliothek gelernt hatte, ging sie ins Zimmer ihres Freunds.
After Sushi had studied in the library, she went to her boyfriend's room.

Rules:
1)Nachdem = preprosition that demands the tense Plusquamperfekt - past perfect.
2)Nachdem = preprosotion that requires verb order reversal - the direct verb has to be the last word in the sentence. In this case it is 'hatte' - 'had'.
3)Past participle is always at the back - 'gelernt'.

Thus normally, wihout 'nachdem', the sentence reads

Sushi hat in der Bibliothek gelernt.
Sushi has studied in the library.

4)Ging = past tense of 'gehen' - 'to go'.
5)In der Bibliothek - because Sushi stays in the libary to study, the noun takes on the dative case after the preprosition 'in': der Bibliothek = the library in dative. The normal form (nominative) = die Bibliothek (gender = female).
6)Ins Zimmer: because Sushi has to move to her boyfriend's room, the noun takes on the accusative case after the preprosition 'in': ins Zimmer = in das Zimmer. Normal form = das Zimmer (gender = neuter).
7)Ihres Freunds: because the room belongs to the boyfriend, the second noun has to take on the genitive case: ihres Freunds (her boyfriend's). Normal form = ihr Freund (her boyfriend: gender = male).

German has 3 genders:
Male (der), Female (die), Neuter (das) + Plural (die)

4 noun cases:
Nominative (der/die/das/die), Accusative (den/die/das/die), Dative (dem/der/dem/den), Genitive (des/des/der/der).

In English, all these der/die/das/den/dem/des = 'THE'.

And articles like ein (a), kein (no), sein (his), ihr (her), and adjectives all complicate matters...

.

2009-04-08T13:23:00.003+08:00

Ah okay - it was just an admin glitch that is now resolved...

This will be a mad week. Up till Monday at least - will blog more after that hopefully...

...!

2009-04-07T06:16:00.000+08:00

I think I am in some trouble. No kidding.

...

2009-04-04T12:29:00.002+08:00

I am so pissed with myself.

I am supposed to meet a friend at 12pm today to pass her something - and I only remembered that appointment when I was showering just now at 12am.

What on earth is wrong with me? Before I left for class I actually set aside those stuff that I was supposed to give her especially so that I can retrieve it easily from my folders. And after immunobiology I just completely forgot about it and headed home and then headed to lab without even realising that I forgot to do something until half an hour ago.

I should start keeping a pocket calender. This is a warning sign - I should seriously start organising my time properly. When more and more things are going on, it is only a matter of time when I will forget to go for an appointment that will completely screw me up if I miss it.

Hmms and I am hoping that I will be able to get the awards I have applied for. Now it seems that most probably I am not going to get them - but well, I kind of need some form of funding for the month of June when I am still hanging around here. Hopkins stopped allowing lab groups to pay students who are hanging around in Summer and obviously A*STAR is not paying and that doesn't mean Wyman Towers and T-mobile are not going to ask me for money...

Initially I actually thought I don't really need extra funding, but now as I start calculating, it seems that I do need that extra funding. Yes I can get by without that extra cash, but really only barely...

This week is just not that great - it just doesn't feel great at all :( Oh well. Hopefully the cherry blossoms tomorrow will be great...

No water.

2009-03-31T18:34:00.002+08:00

No water for the night. Even now. No warning.

Implications: gross.

Cannot brush teeth, cannot shower, cannot shave, no water to drink, cannot make proper coffee (the coffee I am drinking now is made using all milk), cannot wash face...

This is worse than outfield - because, at least when we are outfield, we bring cans and cans of water out with us, and there is always a river where we can get water from to purify.

It better comes back by 8:30am...

Warum hast du Angst?

2009-03-30T11:35:00.004+08:00

‘Denn wir haben alles, was das Herz begehrt, und wir brauchen uns vor nichts zu fürchten!’
- der Tiger von Oh, wie schön ist Panama

Das stimmt - ob wir nicht zu viel für unsere Leben suchen, und wir sind einfach und glücklich - was gibt uns Ängsten?

('Because we have everything, everything that the heart desires, and we do not have to be afraid of anything!'
- the tiger from 'Oh, how beautiful is Panama'

That is right - if we do not seek too much for our lives, and we are simple and happy - what will give us fears?)

I am happy with the kind of life that I am leading now, and all I look for is to maintain it - also, according to projections into the future, I should have no problem maintaining it financially anyway.

So why worry? Just go find whatever I am being called to do and do it!

Spring Break.

2009-03-24T09:32:00.003+08:00

Wow the last time I actually wrote something here was 8 March :P

Anyway, I must thank all my friends in Madison who gave me a really wonderful time! I did not want to leave...

It is a really warm feeling to know that friends are genuinely happy that I am there, and that they are pouring all their hospitality on me - I can really feel it! :) Thank you so much!

Before Madison I was doing HCF's spring break urban plunge in SW Baltimore. I did the same thing last year - last year it wasn't a stay-over programme, and we were at each site only in passing, but indeed it was a great learning experience and more importantly my first step in being an active Christian - a step that I want to make but had never known how to make.

This year I was helping to plan it and led some of the discussions. It had not failed to be inspiring, and had made me realise the main shortcomings that I have hindering me in putting my words into action. Also - I mean, two years ago, I would not have imagined myself doing these stuff that I am doing today; it is the Spirit at work, it is the grace of God - through the HCF people and Grace, who decided to make the 'serious and intellectual' xiaoyang (this is not I say one okay) the target of her invitations without even knowing what I have been up to on my own.

What I was obsessed about two years ago was basically condensed in a question that Songyu and Gerald asked me on the car yesterday. I have told my story quite a couple of times - I actually didn't realise that Songyu has never heard it before. I cannot publish the whole thing here, but the abridged form is simply - I have realised that what happened and what I hoped for in 2006 - 2007 was not built on the right foundation. We were very different in terms of values and world-view and I didn't realise that - which I finally did, and I am glad that I did. I do not know if she had ever liked me before but it is now inconsequential.

(Actually one more thing that I didn't realise was - how widely spread was the impression at that time. I only realised that recently when Kenneth, wz etc. all came to ask me about it separately and I was forced to ask them - where did they get the impression from...?! I will not deny anything, because it happened - if I cannot even be honest to myself, how can I convince others to trust me?)

Luke 6:46-49 -

"Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete."

Jesus wants us to actively build our foundations on him, not on our own hopes and ambitions. Extend the 'Stardust' metaphor that I used to tell and still hold on to, and you will know what my attitude of life is...

I can smell spring!

2009-03-09T07:20:00.002+08:00

After the 5" snowfall on Monday and Tuesday and temperatures below 20 degF...

This weekend is AWESOME. It is 72 degF now.

And the sun is officially setting after 7pm because EDT has resumed!

I looked at the ten-day forecast - it is not going back to below freezing again. Thus, I started my exercise routine again finally!

I started with the usual round-the-school route, which is only 2.1mi long. I finished it under 20 minutes - it is a good start. The next time I run, I will make the routine round ~3mi long so that it would be approximately 5km. Then I will build from that.

The route will be nice because I will be running to the northern end of Guilford, and coming back by either Charles Street or Greenway (which will bring me past the tulip garden). There are actually a lot of possible routes to use, and I hope that by the time I go back to Singapore I will be able to add the complete Uni Parkway - Roland Park - Cold Spring Lane - Loyola - Greenmount - Faith - 39th Street loop to what I am doing now.

Just hope that I can keep to the routine! I actually have time to run, depending on lab work, everyday except Wed, and I definitely can do Sat, Sun and Tue, if I want to...

News...

2009-03-07T13:04:00.004+08:00

TEMASEK Holdings has been given a perfect 10 in a report on transparency among sovereign wealth funds (SWFs) published yesterday.

Is it better to laugh or to cry when presented with stuff like this?

There is more.

Zaobao, 7 March 2009
and there is no parallel found in ST, so I will translate.

From a guy who is an A-level top scorer, ranked first in IChO, PM book prize winner, LKY maths and science award winner, etc. goodness knows what (all according to the same article).

为个人前途而言，也许到欧美大学留学能学习世界最前端的科技知识，但是为了国家，我相信在清华大学留学四年的经验，将对国家公共部门的服务更重要。在这个问题上，我愿意把国家利益放在个人利益之上。公共服务委员会介绍几位曾在清华大学读书的朋友给我认识，他们谈起在中国留学的经验都说很有趣、很有意义。我会参考父母和老师的意见，作出最后决定。

It might be better for my future if I were to go to a university in the US or Europe to learn cutting-edge science and technology, but for our country, I believe the experience gained from studying for 4 years in Tsing Hua University would be more important for Singapore's public service. Regarding this, I am willing to place our nation's interests before my personal interests. ...

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?!

This guy is either VERY NOBLE, VERY NAIVE, A PLAIN HYPOCRITE (i.e. SUPER politically correct), his family are hardcore PAP loyalists, or the reporter is a word-twisting idiot whose act deserves banishment from civil society for 20 years.

Singaporeans are never that noble (how to be kiasu and noble at the same time?!); I would hope that he said that because he comes from a PAP background. If he is naive, he will regret what he said and probably his decisions a couple of years from now. If the reporter twisted his words - well he would have been flamed for nothing. If he is a hypocrite, I DO NOT WANT HIM IN THE CIVIL SERVICE...

ST is smart - no mention of that in it at all. They know - if they publish something like this, they will receive endless amounts of flame. Zaobao is a relatively safe place to publish this kind of thing, honestly, things that Zaobao readers care about are pretty different...

Sigh.

More on research, and upcoming stuff...

2009-03-07T06:27:00.003+08:00

Thank you everyone for your encouragement! Haha that was just an example of how messed up experiments can foul up mood, especially when under stress... Things have gotten better - actually the blots all worked excellently well! I have been really happy for the past couple of days and now what I have to do is to get the in vivo and in vitro time point data done, wait for results from the transgenic mice, and I would be able to start writing up.

There are two ways now which the paper can be structured:
1) Reporting expression only
2) Report expression + first couple of studies regarding function.

If we were to go by strategy 1, the paper would be good for places like Journal of Urology; not very good journals but well we get to publish it first. If we were to do it the second way, it will take a little longer but it can go into a better journal, not Developmental Biology standard though - still have to think about that.

Problem is, we know that THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE DOING A SIMILAR THING WE ARE DOING. It is a race now - which would be lame if we lose it.

The BMP4 story is neat - we might include it, but I guess the main thing should still be: what on earth is the PTEN doing there - as it doesn't seem to be playing its regulatory function through pAkt, and that excludes the whole downstream pathway. We will find out.

Haha my whole life is revolving around these stuff now, to an extent that I do not feel like doing homework and studying for exams at all (which explains why I have been putting off studying all the time until the very last minute; honestly, I don't care already, if I get all A-es or B+es for this semester, so be it - will not kill me completely :P). Anyway, I am going to take a week's break from 13 March to 22 March, in which the first 7 days will be spent on HCF's urban plunge (community service project - I will talk about it when it is done, together with the whole idea of urban ministries and Christian community development), and the last three days in Madison WI (and the amazing thing is that Gerald is also going to be there - completely by coincidence). Then Kenneth will be coming over in April (awesomeness - I am hugely thankful for that! He is choosing to fly over the Atlantic to come see us for his week-long Easter break!), I am graduating at the end of May, and going home at the end of June.

I will start the application process for Duke-NUS and the graduate schools pretty soon too - I have gotten my MCAT score, and I probably will take my GRE some time soon as well. All these will start when Spring break is over!

Psalm 92

2009-03-05T02:17:00.002+08:00

It is good to praise the Lord
and make music to your name, O Most High,
to proclaim your love in the morning
and your faithfulness at night,
to the music of the ten-stringed lyre
and the melody of the harp.

For you made me glad by your deeds, O Lord;
I sing for joy at the work of your hands.
How great are your works, O Lord,
how profound your thoughts!
The senseless man does not know,
fools do not understand,
that though the wicked spring up like grass
and all evildoers flourish,
they will forever be destroyed.

But you, O Lord, are exalted forever.

For surely your enemies, O Lord,
surely your enemies will perish;
all evildoers will be scattered.
You have exalted my horn like that of a wild ox;
fine oils have been poured upon me.
My eyes have seen the defeat of my adversaries;
my ears have heard the rout of my wicked foes.

The righteous will flourish like a palm tree,
they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon;
planted in the house of the Lord,
they will flourish in the courts of our God.
They will still bear fruit in old age,
they will stay fresh and green,
proclaiming, "The Lord is upright;
he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him."

5 am...

2009-03-03T17:50:00.003+08:00

The blots worked! Yayy!

But cannot be too happy yet - must wait for the results of a replicate gel. Though by Thursday's lab meeting I definitely will have a story to tell.

And also teaching myself the Fat/Hpo pathway. It seems rather interesting - judging from the papers that I have read so far. Though I still have no clue how those P elements enhancer traps work. I don't think they are that hard to understand, it is just that I have so far been too lazy to figure it out.

Okay - back to work!

(I slept enough in the afternoon. That is why didn't sleep...)

Research.

2009-02-28T12:36:00.002+08:00

Well this is the kind of moment that makes me start doubting whether I can actually be a scientist.

I spent 2 weeks altogether growing up cells and treating them with drugs to make the positive and negative controls, collecting the relevant mouse tissues, setting up the new blot system and running the controls twice to make sure that everything works perfectly -

And I thought, oh I will get the answer of that long-standing question TODAY.

Not so much. Not even the controls worked today. Why? I don't know. Maybe I am just not supposed to become a scientist.

I told my PI, I need to go home to rest (yes and I have freaking a lot of other work). So I drove home, tailgated the guy in front, and looked for a policeman when some guy left his car in the middle of the road and blocked my way (usually I will just wait). And slept from like 5 to 7:30.

Then yc came back and I complained to him. He asked me to go out to have dinner together with his friend who came for the weekend - people and food do make me feel less like a loser.

I will go back and see how it goes tomorrow - I re-probed the blot altering some conditions, and hopefully it will work (which it most probably won't). If not, that means another week of delay - and I do not have a lot of time left.

When on earth will I get a conclusion with sufficient support data to start writing my paper?! Maybe I should just go to medical school, get a professional license and take over my family doctor's business. Or, to make it less complicated, just start teaching tuition full-time.

I shouldn't feel good about myself. Whenever I do that, something will go wrong.

Sigh. Developmental biology is like that - it takes a lot of effort and time to get the data I want, especially if I am working on mice. It is a lot slower than cell-line studies, it is slower than flies, and because I need embryos and babies it makes it even more time consuming because I need timed-pregnancies rather than just readily-available adult mice.

I just thought of a way to quantitatively co-relate expressions - the data would be cool and useful, if even necessary - that is, dissociating the mesenchyme and epithelium at different time points, label them with BOTH BMP4 and PTEN abs, and FACS them. But, as soon as I thought about the optimisation - it isn't that good an idea after all, especially when I don't have much time. I will stick to IF for the time being. Actually, for BMP4, I would rather do an in-situ. Never mind...

Organic Food.

2009-02-24T13:59:00.002+08:00

Saw this - it is quite funny:

5 ways people are trying to save the world that don't work

I have never believed in organic food. Asking me to buy food that has no significantly proven health, safety and environmental benefits but is twice as expensive sounds too much like a gimmick designed to con people who don't know what to do with their money.

And I always have this idea that there is more bacteria dotting organically produced food than conventional food. Since the US soak their chicken in chlorine to make sure that they are contaminant-free, probably they might have to soak organic chicken or even organic lettuce in a higher concentration of chlorine :|

Read this abstract:

Organic food: buying more safety or just peace of mind? A critical review of the literature.

Support locally grown/produced food though! Not only it reduces the carbon footprint of the food, it can also contribute positively to the local economy, and needless to say, the food has a higher likelihood to be more fresh. Haha we buy Maryland eggs and Maryland milk cos they are the cheapest.

I support recycling though. Hmm if recycling requires more staff and a higher cost to process the trash, it isn't necessarily a bad thing - it creates more jobs?

Dim sum.

2009-02-23T06:24:00.002+08:00

Other than being very nice, dim sum surely does have its merits.

Thanks to today's dim sum lunch YES I think I found my grant topic :D

And of course credits must be given to KS who told me about it.

I will probably have to spend 2 full days reading like 20 papers from scratch (I haven't even finished the stack I am supposed to read on BMP4), and look through the NIH guidelines. Not too fun but YES I kind of have an idea now!!

(excited :P)

Biomedicine in Singapore #2.

2009-02-21T14:49:00.011+08:00

A couple of months ago I got very interested in this blog written by a NUS medical student who was complaining how teachers in the SOM treat students from Duke GMS better and always attempts to belittle them. Some of the points that he raised are relevant in the discussion today.

1) Is developing research important to biomedicine in Singapore?

The answer is YES, regardless of the angle you are looking at it. I have addressed the industrial point of view; I will have to address the clinical point of view too.

I don't know if it is prevailing or not, but that guy above gave me the idea that many students in NUS SOM do not believe that research is necessary and is a digression, a waste of resources, and it is just the 'politically correct thing to do'.

How interesting. If doctors in Singapore are like that, Singapore will forever be playing catch-up - we will never lead. We can continue to dream about becoming a biomedical hub; when techniques that are used in Hopkins are unheard of in Singapore, that Sultan from Saudi Arabia will choose to go to Baltimore instead of Singapore and the goodness-knows-how-much from him (he was happy because we gave him good care) which became a new building for paediatric patients and an endowment fund for purchasing equipment and giving scholarships to needy students will belong to Baltimore, not Singapore.

If we are content in running an efficient medical system for every Singaporean, it's fine if we just keep playing catch-up. But if we are trying to develop this whole thing into an industry to sustain Singapore's economy in addition to being a service to all Singaporeans - I'm sorry you guys will just have to work harder, or just learn to work with us.

Currently clinical research and translational research is not managed by A*STAR - they come from the MOH research institutes such as NCC, NHC, NNI, NSC etc., in collaboration with the hospitals. Some clinical trials are also done in these sites - A*STAR does not manage these trials also. These research centres are not big, the studies that they do are not significantly world-class, but they are doing relevant work. Other than getting money from MOH, research groups from these places can get additional funding through direct NRF grant calls, which A*STAR groups are not eligible for. Recently NRF has just given out 4 $10,000,000 grants for cross-disciplinary collaborative projects aimed at studying significant clinical problems. They have given a couple of these grants in the previous years as well.

2) Though what kind of research should Singapore fund? Since I have established that Singapore's biomedical initiative is economically driven, the natural conclusion is that Singapore should fund research that will have a higher likelihood of generating returns. Indeed this is NRF's policy. Read:

CRP proposals should demonstrate the following:

i. High quality cutting-edge science;
ii. High likelihood of building up research infrastructure and capabilities in
Singapore;
iii. Competent team consisting of individuals with credible track records;
iv. Excellent execution of individual projects which form a coherent
programme; and
v. High potential to generate economic and societal benefits to Singapore by
creating new industries or advancing existing industries.

National Research Foundation - Competitive Research Programme. Note: only groups based in Singapore are eligible for NRF funding.

This is only one of the couple of funding schemes that NRF has. For more information check out their website - even I am not completely aware of everything that they have.

With limited resources, it is apparent that Singapore should focus on strategic areas that we can eventually develop into a strong capability. Institutions overseas have key strengths too - Hopkins has key strengths in biomedical engineering, urology, pancreatic cancer, neurology and neuroscience. However, focusing on key strategic areas does not mean a neglect of the basic sciences - all these areas of research are heavily multidisciplinary and expertise from all levels is necessary. Of course, it should be harder for a research group that focuses on rice genetics to get funding here, but people dealing with transcriptional silencing of tumour suppressor genes (this is such hardcore molecular biology that I, despite being a basic science person, am trying to stay away seriously) should be able to get funding.

An important consideration should be - whether or not the research group is able to contribute to the technical story and the translational efforts the larger key strategic group is putting together. It will also depend on how the research group is able to sell their projects - it is the same everywhere.

(Sometimes it is hard to sell new ideas to the older generation of administrators in Singapore. I had an interesting (well not so much when I am doing it) experience trying to persuade a NUS/A*STAR dean/director that physician scientists are now a necessity in bringing people from multiple disciplines together to produce useful research - there is a reason why the NIH started the MSTP scheme in 1974 (is this even a NEW idea?!!) and they do not plan to end it anytime soon. A friend of mine had another experience persuading experts - not from Singapore but from Cambridge UK this time - that computational models are important and useful in future biomedical research and it didn't turn out well. Well for the latter I have already taken it for granted because I have seen such models working in many people's (and to some extent, my lab's) research in Hopkins...)

3) Research will only benefit Singaporeans if it can translate into jobs, better healthcare, and economic growth. Thus, translation and commercialisation is necessary - it is a reality that no one can escape from. However, I must emphasise that such a translation is NOT as straightforward as people might hope - research -> new pills and medical equipment that we can sell to earn money; research -> new clinical procedures that will have a 10% higher chance of curing my cancer. Looking at it in this way is overly simplistic and unrealistic.

A*STAR does have a commercial branch dealing with this process - it is called Exploit Technologies. EDB people have the resources to help us do that too, and there are also local companies dealing with development and running trials, albeit not at a large scale - they include S*BIO and Merlion Pharmaceuticals.

However, the key here is physicians. Drug trials, new medical equipment, and new clinical procedures need to be run by physicians. These physicians need to work together with the key strategic groups that I have mentioned before, know what the groups are doing, be willing to contribute ideas, time and effort, must be able to recruit patients, and must be able to network with other hospitals in the region or even as far as hospitals in East Asia to make the whole development scheme viable.

Hopkins oncologists can refer patients to Duke for trials if they are willing to. Can SGH refer patients to Queen Mary for trials even if the patient is willing to? As far as I know, I don't think so, and I don't think most doctors here are interested, and they may even criticise me for being too ambitious, risking the lives of patients - and they believe that only a messed-up privately owned medical system in the US can support such ideas.

I don't think so. It all comes down to whether we can design our system in a way that is clever enough to not compromise healthcare to common Singaporeans but also reap the benefits of a private medical system. I won't go into details here - it is running too long.

Okay conclusion:

1) To develop a biomedical industry, Singapore needs to develop research capabilities.
2) Singapore needs to form multidisciplinary strategic interest groups, each with a clear focus - to a certain extent that is what we are doing now.
3) If Singapore is serious about making biomedicine the industry of the future, we need to produce some doctors who have the foresight and ability to invest their efforts in the initiative.
4) Foreign experience is definitely needed at the time being, until our universities are capable of producing talents that can sustain the industry independently. They can't do that yet.

Developing biomedicine runs a high risk. However, nothing is risk adverse, and we can't afford to do nothing and continue to rely solely on manufacturing, finances and petrochemicals - stagnating is a sure way to kill. However, a high level of transparency and accountability should be made available, and in this light the biomedical industry is doing way better than GIC and Temasek Holdings already.

If properly managed, Singapore can become another Cambridge MA. It will take one generation at least - it takes a long time to change people's mindsets and change educational culture, especially if those people are all established experts. It might require people like us to go in to create a storm. I would be happy and proud if I can be part of this successful effort!

And in the upcoming General Elections, vote wisely! Use your brains! I will start talking about it soon...

Biomedicine in Singapore: #1.

2009-02-21T12:59:00.005+08:00

I know this is a somewhat old topic, but I guess a review is somewhat necessary. It helps me synthesise what I know and puts things into clearer perspective.

When I was first enticed into this business I was told that Singapore is making biomedicine into the fourth pillar of the economy, developed to eventually serve as a replacement for manufacturing which is projected to decline in the years to come. Thus, at the time when we were getting out of JC, students were given the idea that biomedicine has a lot of prospects and thus many of them flocked into the field.

At the same time, A*STAR was set up, infrastructure was being built, and a huge amount of money was set aside to fund biomedical research of all forms. Also, a large number of scholars are being funded and sent overseas to be trained as researchers.

Criticisms came from all directions. Singaporeans are concerned as to whether the money dumped into research will indeed actually generate economic returns and translates into jobs for Singaporeans. People like me are worried that the whole research enterprise might be too commercial and there might be problems getting funding for projects that are difficult to be translated into commercial use.

Let's see.

It is almost beyond question that Singapore's biomedical initiative is economically driven. What the government hopes is that biomedicine will eventually become one of the driving forces of our economy. This field is indeed picking up - although its overall GDP contribution is still less than 5%, there are signs that companies are taking us seriously - BioRad, Pfizer and GSK being some significant examples.

The research sector seems less certain. Indeed, where are all our money going to? Can such spending be justified? Is the research spending going to benefit Singaporeans? Can we put our money into better use instead of throwing it into research?

It is almost beyond doubt, again, that if Singapore were to develop its biomedical industry, Singapore has to develop its own R&D capabilities. If pharmaceutical companies were to come to Singapore - even if they are only setting up manufacturing plants - they need support staff that are able to do R&D if they were to ever benefit from the sales of new products and get a headstart in occupying the niches in the relatively ignored Asian-specific diseases 'market'.

In order to ensure that these companies come to Singapore instead of going to Hong Kong or Taiwan, we have to invest in manpower with the right skill sets and the right ideas. There is a reason why biomedicine as an industry grew out of places like Cambridge MA (nope not the UK) - institutions there have produced significant amounts of professionals with the key skills, ideas and attitude, and they formed the basis of the success that was to follow. It is not realistic for companies to recruit talents they need from overseas, especially when Singapore is so far away from most places where these talents can possibly come from.

Thus, Singapore needs to produce our own talents - but Singapore cannot do this on our own. First of all, we do not have a research tradition. Since 1819 Singapore has been a trading post for the British Empire, and Singaporeans now are mostly descendants of merchants, labourers and artisans; the nature of our people is pragmatic, we want to earn as much money as we can, and we want stability. These are not characteristics of anyone who can excel in research. Furthermore, our universities do not have the right environment to groom such talents. In the field of biomedicine, our universities do not sufficiently foster intellectual curiosity and the individual's strive towards excellence, and they do not sufficiently develop confidence for independent work. These shortcomings cannot be rectified in the short term, because this is a result of our society's general characteristics and attitude.

Singapore has been trying to groom local talents in 2 ways:
1) Bring in so called 'Big Whales' such as Sydney Brenner to set directions, 'Sharks' such as Jackie Ying and Edison Liu who has experience to actually work on the ground to lead, and also people like Brigitte Lane, Nancy Jenkins etc. to actually set up labs here.
2) Send scholars like me out.

I have justified why the money allocated for biomedicine cannot all go to local universities - because, if they are lacking in certain critical aspects, money is not going to change anything. The point of contention is whether I am worth what the government pays me for, whether the whales serve their purposes, and whether or not money can be better spent on young researchers who show promise.

Whether or not I am worth my money - I will let the economists debate about this. All I will do is to do what I want to do and you will see. I have criticisms for the system but that is also old and I won't repeat it here.

The whales versus young promising researchers thing requires a little more insight. If I am a young promising researcher whom has just completed my post-doc in UCSF and I am ready to start a new lab, would I choose Singapore for a $500,000 start-up grant or a reputable institution in the US for $100,000?

Realistically, I will choose to stay in the US. Reasons: higher predictability of staff's reliability, higher availability of grants, stronger and closer professional support networks, and possibility of getting a tenure. It is a gamble either way, but going to Singapore is a bigger gamble even with a bigger start-up grant. I will not do that in any case because if I mess up any bit my career is gone - and Hopkins' departure from Singapore is not appeasing.

Only people who have nothing to lose will come to Singapore. They are either the completely useless, or those who have already made their name. The latter would be the big whales.

But how would they benefit us? They do not directly train people for sure, but these people have their networks with them and as they become more confident of Singapore and have more stakes in us they will bring the young and promising to us - at least this is what we are hoping for. And indeed this is what happens on the ground - Peter Gluckman has once told me, he knows developmental biology people in the whole of the Commonwealth, and Judith Swain knows people from the USA - and as long as I need help from them, they will be able to find the right person for me. Indeed they have. This is not limited to A*STAR - for example, we have Stephen Cohen in TLL too.

Further on I will talk about sources of funding, translation of bench work to clinical medicine, and the commercialisation of our research.

Food.

2009-02-20T09:02:00.005+08:00

Haven't been eating properly for quite some time...

Yesterday evening's dinner was the most proper already. Roasted chicken, fried veggie, rice.

This morning's brunch was instant noodles with luncheon meat and fried egg.

(Oh how should I forget - cooked some laksa some time ago and ate it for 2 days.)

Then dinner was Subway (again).

Though I have started to try liking Subway again. After my freshman year I basically stopped eating subway cos I became so sick of it.

(Trust me. They NEVER look like that. And even if they do look like this, do they look appetising to you?)

But now it is emerging (again) as the cheapest decent lunch/dinner option when I have no time to cook - because they started the $5.00 foot-long sub promotion again. There is cheaper food - $3.18 for 3 double cheeseburgers can fill me too, and I do eat that sometimes - but that is nonsensical food. Toilet paper soaked in soy sauce could have contained more nutrients.

So have eaten it three times since, each with a different method. So far, chicken teriyaki with honey mastard and lettuce and tomatoes and black olives works alright (it is cos of the black olives), buffalo chicken with mayonnaise and black pepper and lettuce and tomotoes and black olives works well (it is cos of the chilli), and chicken and bacon ranch with mayonnaise and black pepper and lettuce and tomatoes and onion and green pepper works fine too (it's cos of the bacon and black pepper and onions). And parmelone cheese works the best so far, followed by American. Swiss cheese tastes like NOTHING.

I am still rather apprenhesive of the cold cut versions. For now I will stick to those with tonnes of chicken in them, and I will get them toasted. If I have to eat those roast beef, turkey breast, seafood sensation and what not - I definitely will have to add chilli to that thing. I have since grown to be afraid of turkey breast + honey mastard without black pepper or hot pepper - that is how grass tastes like. And MEATBALL SUBS ARE ALWAYS DISGUSTING, no matter what you do to it.

LOL it seems like I am going back to my freshman year state - which I have grown to be afraid of as well. Hopkins people know what I am talking about. Let's just keep it at Subway...

Today,

2009-02-18T21:28:00.002+08:00

Wake up: 8:00am
German class: 9:00am
History of Medicone: 10:00am
Immunobiology: 11:00am
Start runnning down to medical school: 12:00pm
Arrive at lab: 12:20pm
Prepare solutions for drug treatment: 12:30pm
Treat cells (timer start): 12:50pm (end): 1:20pm
Make cell lysate: by 1:40pm
Start BAC timer: 1:55pm (end): 2:25pm
Nanodrop: end 2:45pm
Loading buffer + pre-treatment: end 3:10pm
Load: end 3:20pm
Start gel: 3:20pm, end: 4:50pm
Prepare transfer: end 5:00pm
Transfer: end 6:00pm
Start blocking: 6:10pm, end 7:10pm
Transfer to Primary: 7:15pm
Leave lab: 7:20pm
Reach school: 7:45pm
CF: 8:00pm end ~10:00pm
I should try do some work: end 12:00am

Sounds like a good plan. See how it goes...

Love #1

2009-02-13T16:52:00.002+08:00

From today's Zaobao:

中国文化的传统基本上是关于律法的，即做人处事的行为规范。它道出了人性的道德本性，因此它是磨灭不了的。时间也好，文革也好，都不能消去它的影响。然而它却未达人性的根本，只是训蒙的师傅。人性的根本在于爱。爱成全完备了律法。

Recently there have been a lot of articles discussing the suitability of a Chinese classic <弟子规> as a basic text for teaching traditional Chinese values to kids. I grew up studying some form of Chinese classics and I support the idea of making kids learn traditional texts. We can't take them at face value though; things like 晨昏定省 is certainly no longer applicable but things like 出必告, 返必面 should definitely be advocated.

The above paragraph struck me though, because there is a parallel verse in the Bible:

Romans 13:10:
Love does no harm to its neighbour. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

If you love your neighbour (i.e. everyone else) as yourself, you will automatically fulfill the law. If you genuinely love your parents, you will do what <弟子规> tells you to without even knowing what is inside.

Well love needs to be carefully defined - I kind of know what how to do it now. Haha next post perhaps...

Coming back!

2009-02-12T21:34:00.005+08:00

Haha! I do not know why I am so excited about having gotten my ticket back home this time. I wouldn't have been back for 10 months by the time I get back - but this doesn't seem to matter because I am already pretty used to not being home. Kind of echo GCS's sentiments - nowadays I can go home anytime I want (okay not as if I will go party until 2am but most days of the week I won't be back until past 9pm), but when I am back I will have to be more conscious of that cos of parents. That will limit the amount of stuff that I can do outside.

Nevertheless, I am hoping to get back as much as I don't want to leave Baltimore...

Arriving on 29 June, 11:40pm on NH901.

This would be the first time since my first flight to the US that there will be someone flying with me all the way - and I am coming back from T2, the place where I first left as opposed to T1 which I have always been using since September 2007.

Yup this is ANA -

Work.

2009-02-10T10:52:00.004+08:00

This semester is not as slack as I would like it to be.

I need to spend a lot of time on my research. I have since a long time ago cleared the standard research requirements (poster + report), but we are hoping that I can get something published by the end of June. I am nowhere near that goal at this point!

Now with that $250 poster sitting in my room, I should try to find more useful (free) conferences to go to - just to practise presenting and hopefully obtain some useful contacts. I probably should enter myself to the pathology talent search thing in April, despite the fact that everyone else would be a grad student or a post-doc :P

Moreover - school work is not as light as I thought it would be too. The stupid immunobiology problem set is based on material that is NOT in the lectures. History of medicine will have quizzes every week based on readings. D-bio lab has quizzes every week, and I have to prepare for a practice grant for the other d-bio class. And German is killing me as usual.

I don't even have the time and energy to read the literature! My PI has been feeding me with info all the time!

Like I told Cheryl, having a full load of classes in addition to a full load of research work is a nightmare, especially if your lab is like 5 miles away from your house and you are also doing other stuff on campus. After graduation I will not have classes anymore, but most probably I will fill that up with stuff that I would like to do. And according to MD/PhD people in Hopkins, I can forget about doing anything else but to study during the first 2 years of medical school.

3 more months to go!

Happy!

2009-02-09T00:33:00.002+08:00

I have reasons to feel happy. Not that spectacular things are happening to me, but really nice things have been happening to people around me. I am truly thankful!
______________________________________________

Looking at air tickets. I would probably fly together with Weizhuang for at least one of the legs (IAD -> NRT -> SIN). I have decided I will not fly SQ anymore, unless they are insanely cheap... Firstly, I am already used to the service airlines in America give; I have developed the ability to read the articles and play with the games in the in flight magazine for an hour, read my book for a couple of hours, watch a movie if it is good, eat and get wine from the air stewardess, and then sleep for a couple of hours thanks to the wine - and 13 hours will pass and I will be in Tokyo. Tokyo to Singapore, haha it is nothing.

Secondly, although SQ is almost always more expensive than other airlines even when discounted, they don't give miles. If I fly UA, although the price can only be 60% of what SQ's is, they will still give me miles - Krisflyer some more.

Thirdly, many airlines are already having comparable (or even better) service compared to SQ, and they are cheaper. Cathay Pacific is one example - the HKG -> JFK flight I had was honestly one of my best flight experiences. According to people who have flown Korean Air and ANA before, their service is comparable to SQ too. Virgin Atlantic as well, but unfortunately their food falls below the mark. I kind of like BA too, have had 3 flights with them and they all have been on time and good.

So - weighing price, miles and service, there is no reason for me to seek SQ anymore (patriotism? well, we Singaporeans are known to be pragmatic you know...). I still remember when I was a freshman - that I thought I should try my best to fly SQ. After wasting a lot of miles and a couple of hundred dollars - well, experience is experience!

與君共勉!

2009-02-08T13:05:00.004+08:00

我的祷词
梁文福–《其实我是在和时光恋爱》

不要给我太多的聪明去向不够的人索取，
给我一颗原谅的心，去享有不怨的权力。

不要给我美丽的名姓去欺骗平凡的自己，
给我一颗渺小的心，满载了欣喜，装不下妒忌。

不要给我太好的记性去计算曾经的怜悯，
给我一颗善忘的心，记住了曾经的接受，就忘了过去的施予。

不要给我太多的时间去陪伴自己的忧虑，
给我一颗炙热的心去包容酷冷的真理。

没有路的地方别急着给我平坦，
让我的脚板认识荆刺，但给我认清方向的眼睛。

没有光的地方别急着安排光亮,
让我摸索自己的勇气，但给我等待的信心。

不要给我唇齿的伶俐去说太多堂皇的道理，
给我一颗专注的心，让我先懂得仔细聆听。

不要给我永远的顺利，我不想在幸福中忘了同情。
给我一颗感激的心，让我在未失去时就懂得珍惜。

1989
_________________________________________
明天會更好
曲: 羅大佑詞: 羅大佑等

輕輕敲醒沉睡的心靈　慢慢張開你的眼睛
看那忙碌的世界是否依然孤獨地轉個不停
春風不解風情　吹動少年的心
讓昨日臉上的淚痕　隨記憶風乾了

抬頭尋找天空的翅膀　候鳥出現牠的影跡
帶來遠處的飢荒無情的戰火依然存在的消息
玉山白雪飄零　燃燒少年的心
使真情溶化成音符　傾訴遙遠的祝福

唱出你的熱情　伸出你雙手
讓我擁抱著你的夢　讓我擁有你真心的面孔
讓我們的笑容　充滿著青春的驕傲
為明天獻出虔誠的祈禱

誰能不顧自己的家園　拋開記憶中的童年
誰能忍心看他昨日的憂愁　帶走我們的笑容
青春不解紅塵　胭脂沾染了灰
讓久違不見的淚水　滋潤了你的面容

唱出你的熱情　伸出你雙手
讓我擁抱著你的夢　讓我擁有你真心的面孔
讓我們的笑容　充滿著青春的驕傲
為明天獻出虔誠的祈禱

輕輕敲醒沉睡的心靈　慢慢張開你的眼睛
看那忙碌的世界是否依然孤獨地轉個不停
日出喚醒清晨　大地光彩重生
讓和風拂出的音響　譜成生命的樂章

唱出你的熱情　伸出你雙手
讓我擁抱著你的夢　讓我擁有你真心的面孔
讓我們的笑容　充滿著青春的驕傲
讓我們期待明天會更好

中華民國七十四年(1985)

Desperate guy...

2009-02-07T01:17:00.003+08:00

There honestly are weird people out there.

If you put my drawing up on the Internet, with the level of detail down to the colour of the tube I am wearing and the colour of the earphone cords I am using, the only thing I would want to do is to run as far away as possible...

GIRLONBUS.COM

Fact of Life.

2009-02-03T10:48:00.002+08:00

Matthew 13:12 -

Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.

Matthew 25:29 -

For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. (NIV)

In the first case, the context is Jesus explaining to his disciples why he had to speak in parables. In the second case, the context is the Parable of the Talents.

The meaning of the first verse can be inferred when you read the whole of Matthew 13. Jesus is referring to people who heard the word, accepted it and understood it, and comparing them to people who had 'callous hearts' and did not 'hear with their ears' and 'closed their eyes' (Matthew 13:15, Isaiah 6:10).

The Parable of the Talents is harder. Bible.org has a loooong article interpreting it if you are interested - I have not completely read through it. Since I do not know much I shall not comment on it now...

But look - when you remove the spiritual significance of the verses, they represent a truth in life that we can hardly deny. Exemplified in today's world, the term to use would be 'social injustice'. Or putting it plainly - the rich gets richer, and the poor gets poorer.

Although in the biblical context they should not be read in that way, people have actually acknowledged their literal meaning and gave it a term - the 'Matthew Effect'. People have argued that, other than being applicable to economics, it works the same way in science too - the big names will get more and more attention and resources, while the nobodies will almost always remain nobodies with little expendable resources. When you get a grant, you will be in a better position to apply for your next; when you don't get your first grant, because your start-up fund dwindles subsequent applications will become more difficult.

That is a fact of life isn't it. I see it working tirelessly all the time.

I decided to write about this because these two verses keep coming to me recently. Their literal meaning is so plain and so direct that there is no way justice can be seen from them. If you are the person whom things are taken from you, there might even be jealousy and hate in you (and hence more will be taken from you). I suppose this can be a chance for me to actually pray, read and think about them.

The bible is like that - the more I read through it, the more I think that I should work on it. There are a lot of aspects to that - well, I guess I can talk about it some other time...

Woww.

2009-01-30T11:57:00.003+08:00

Fatal Attraction: Death of an A*Star Scholar

I didn't even know this until Grace told me today. I probably should add The New Paper and Today to my daily reads... I don't do that because it gets boring seeing the same news again and again (after Zaobao and Google News), but it seems like Zaobao NEVER publishes this kind of thing.

Probably STOMP too - just for entertainment. I used to read it in the UK whenever I was waiting for something to finish incubating.

BUT the freaking problem is -

WHY ISN'T A*STAR TELLING US?

AND WE HAVE TO FIND IT OUT OURSELVES? Through FRIENDS?

If this guy is a Hopkins student, WE WOULD HAVE KNOWN IN LESS THAN 12 HOURS, IN AN EMAIL SENT BY PRESIDENT BRODY.

A*STAR doesn't tell us (at least me) much. In order to find out what is going on with Singapore's biomedical industry I either go find the press releases myself, or yc who is from EDB will tell me. He knows these things better than me. Or Zaobao might tell me (not often).

A*STAR people reading this - what do you think about this? How well do you know A*STAR or the BMS in Singapore in general? If someone asks me to give them information, honestly, there is very little that I can tell them.

Shouldn't we care? I will start caring. Let me see how much I can find out.

Value add a bit:

How to mend a broken heart

MCAT practices.

2009-01-30T07:22:00.002+08:00

The following passages are my attempts to write an essay under 30 minutes. If you can, try to comment on whether things make sense, writing style etc... Thanks!

Scientific Discovery and Human Life

2009-01-30T06:46:00.003+08:00

Scientific inquiry is rooted in the desire to discover, but there is no discovery so important that in its pursuit a threat to human life is tolerable.

The spirit of scientific inquiry is our desire to know and discover. In modern society science is held in high regard not only because of the practical applications and technological advances that it can bring about; the fact that science can unveil more mysteries and solve more problems presented to us by nature is believed to be able to improve the human condition and make humans more powerful contributed to such an understanding as well.

Although scientific discovery is important to us as humans, there are certain limitations to what can be done and what cannot be. For example, when the process of scientific discovery constitutes a threat to human life, it might not be acceptable under most circumstances, especially if we limit our definition of 'human life' to adults who are unquestionably alive. For example, as people discovered that the special forces of Japan conducted experiments on their prisoners-of-war in China during the Second World War, they were widely criticised and the officer-in-charge was convicted of war crimes by the Allied tribunal after the war. In this example, the Japanese scientists who took part in the experiments wanted to know the effects of certain pathogenic agents on human beings, and one can argue that they were partly driven by the 'desire to discover' as well; however, the fact that they deliberately put human beings in danger and in actual fact killed some of them through their scientific process rendered their actions unacceptable.

However, under very limited and tightly controlled circumstances, a threat to human life can be tolerated in the process of scientific discovery. In cases where the effects of novel drugs need to be identified, the clinical trials designed would always place a certain level of threat to the life of the patient. In some instances, the threat can be very real. A few years ago, a young man died of an overblown systemic immune response when he received a dose of transgenic adenoviruses directly injected to his liver in a trial which aimed to correct a genetic metabolic disorder that he suffered from. Despite such problems, clinical trials involving novel therapeutic strategies are still continuing and are still widely accepted as an important means for advancement in medicine. That is because, other than actually trying these novel measures on actual patients, there is no other reliable alternative to test their effectiveness and safety before they can be widely used by patients generally. If such trials are not allowed, we will never have new strategies available to tackle the increasing amount of illnesses that people suffer from and will post a significant obstacle in the advancement of medicine and the standard of living of our sick.

Thus, it would be fair to conclude that in cases where an outright disregard of human life is involved in the scientific process, that scientific process should never be allowed, just like the case of the Japanese during the Second World War. Unnecessary threats to human life in a scientific process, such as in cases where there are alternatives other than the process proposed, should not be allowed either. Only in cases where there is no other alternative other than direct trials on humans that a certain level of threat to human life during that process can be tolerated. Even in those cases, carefully evaluated protocols regarding what can and what cannot be done has to be strictly enforced to minimise the health risks that the patients serving as test subjects has to bear.

More Practice Passages.

2009-01-30T06:00:00.002+08:00

Education comes not from books but from practical experience.

Mainstream education in most developed countries all over the world emphasises heavily on knowledge from books. The way assessments are structured and teachings are conducted nowadays requires books and textbooks to form a large proportion of a student's learning experience. For example, in universities in the United States, instructors often recommended students to acquire textbooks, either as optional reference texts or as an integral part of the course, and instructors often structure their course around the information presented in the text. Even in classes where textbooks are not required, reading passages and articles acquired from various books, magazines and journals often form an important part of the work that a student is required to do.

However, when we launch into a discussion about education, we cannot limit the definition of education only to what a student receives in classrooms. Education has a much broader meaning than that. For a person to be considered 'educated', other than knowledge from books, he ought also to learn how to live a life as a person, make morally sound decisions, be able to earn a living through acquiring skills that would be valuable, etc. Education is a multi-faceted entity, and certainly, classroom teaching in schools is only a part of it.

Thus, it would not be appropriate to say that education entails only the acquiring of knowledge from books. When we consider the other aspects of education, clearly books are not sufficient - it seems more likely that practical experience is also a major way for a person to be educated in those aspects. For example, in order for a person to know how to have a successful marriage, reading books on that topic is clearly not sufficient. He needs to talk to people who are experienced in that aspect, do some reflection on his own regarding his character and his behavioural patterns, speak to counsellors if necessary, and really live with his wife before he can be considered 'educated' in that aspect. If that person possesses extensive knowledge from books regarding how to have a successful marriage, but in real life he has had three divorces or he is not even married at all, generally he would not be considered to 'know' how to lead a happy married life.

However, it would be overly simplistic to claim that 'education comes not from books but from practical experience'. Although practical experience constitutes a major part of a person's education experience, knowledge from books cannot be discounted. As we have seen, knowledge from books is the main thing that educators in schools focus on, and in many instances, such knowledge provides the background for people to move on to acquire skills that will be important for them when they enter the job market. There is no way an electrical engineer can be trained if he does not know the basics of the physics of electricity; neither can a doctor in modern days be trained if he does not possess basic knowledge of biology and chemistry. Such knowledge can only come from books; although one might argue that what makes an engineer an engineer is still the practical experience he gathers while he is doing the job, the engineer cannot even start his practical training if he does not possess basic knowledge from the books.

To conclude, in order for a person to be considered 'educated', he has to acquire both knowledge from books and practical experience. Education does not only consist of one or the other. In some cases, a person needs to possess basic knowledge from books before he can undergo further training to become a professional. However, he cannot only rely on books for his education either; practical experience is extremely important to provide aspects of education that books can never offer. In the example of the married man, there is no way he will know how to lead a happy married life just from books; for the engineer, he can never be considered an actual engineer until he has done the job and knows exactly what is expected of him.

Janosch!

2009-01-28T07:23:00.004+08:00

Für dieses Semester lesen wir dieses Buch!

Es ist von Janosch, ein berühmt Autor für Kindergeschichte aus Deutschland.

Da ist ein Film vom Buch auch:

Sehr schön!

新年進步!

2009-01-27T14:03:00.001+08:00

大年初一祝各位新的一年:

平安吉祥, 身體健康, 事事順利!

Well.

2009-01-25T15:15:00.004+08:00

This is a pretty interesting observation about myself -

When I was reading the budget after it was mailed to me, I figured that I am actually consciously looking for things that will benefit me. Sadly, other than the $400m to the NRF and the extra 20% tax credit there is nothing else that has any relevance to me (I do not receive GST credits).

The budget is no longer something that is only of intellectual interest. It is something of practical interest - I am expecting it to impact my life.

As usual, it is hard to pick problems out of Singapore's budget, and it is as usual, unique. When Taiwan is handing out vouchures directly for people to go shopping, when the US is talking about reducing the tax burden of the middle class, Singapore gives money to employers who keep their Singaporean workers, gives a bit of money to the people directly, helps banks share some of their risks, and returns more taxes to people who lost jobs and started losing money in their businesses - something HKG is still rather unwilling to do.

I don't know what the mentality is - I tend to think that, Singapore knows what is not going to work, but Singapore might not know exactly what is going to work. We know that Taiwan's measure is not going to help the economy in the long run, we know that we need a population armed with consuming power - and here Singapore comes out with something and tries, and then other countries follow suit when it works. The IRs, F1, Youth Olympics, biomedical sciences, Newater - they are all results of the same thing.

Whether these things work out - it is all a game. We make our best guess, place our bets, and the rest are all God's. It is the same thing for investments - general public comments are always bashing GIC and Temasek for their bad investment decisions - but well Singapore has to do something to the savings that we have to prevent them from depreciating, and once you go into investments there are definitely risks, and this round not even the best economists envisioned the severity of the crisis. The main problem with them is, they are managing public funds, yet they are not transparent and are not publicly accountable (i.e. no one knows what is happening, and no one can ask or touch them). That is the ridiculous part, not the bad investment decisions.

(Isn't our life like that too - how do you know something will definitely work out for you? Sometimes, other than trusting God what else can you do?)

Back to my initial point - I find that this is a very middle-class thing. To look for little incentives that you can get here and there to supplement your income is a very middle-class thing.

I have been making interesting observations - about how some of us are working hard for career advancement, trying to earn some money all the time, make noise when chicken becomes $1.19/lb (used to be $0.99/lb - this has to be me LOL) - while some others not only do not have to do that - okay, even things they complain about are hmms different.

Haha if you value hard work, do not want to be a burden to your parents (i.e. don't want to ask them for money (extra money - in case of non-scholars) unless you are almost dying), shows an active interest in seeking out free stuff and incentives and money that will help, read the budget first for yourself specifically then more generally, and wonder when you eventually get married whether you can qualify for subsidised HDB - you are quite typically my kind.

That day we were talking about how can we integrate worship, work, service, the arts, and ministry into one thing in our lives (apparently the Hebrew word for all 5 items is the same). It seems to me that in my life - there is probably some overlap but not entirely so. It is certainly possible to do all 5 as one - I can imagine how that would be like, but it seems obvious to me that, considering the stuff that I just discussed, I am definitely not there yet :P

Chairman's Honour List.

2009-01-21T15:02:00.004+08:00

Remember that I have commented that the CHL is 'evil'?

My assessment doesn't change. Especially if you are a freshman with an interesting idea that 'thou ought to study because NS has corroded thy brain'.

In practice, the CHL might not be the thing to blame, but the idea itself can be rather detrimental.

But, if you are a junior with a dwindling bank account, any monetary input is considered awesome. Especially - I think I am only one sem away from a free holiday to Sabah and Mt. Kinabalu.

Haha. Tricks like senior option, S/U, dropping classes, etc. will all be used when necessary. They do no harm to people, they do no harm to me - it is just that, I will do all that is ethically allowed within the system to get my 4.0 next semester.

See? The CHL is evil. Money IS evil.

Obama.

2009-01-21T12:58:00.003+08:00

I was watching Obama the whole morning until the end of the official ceremony. Then I went back to engage in MCAT until I again forgot to send all the emails that I should send. One of which I have dragged for 6 days already. I ought to kill myself.

Obama's inaugural address wasn't as epic as it should be. We are kind of used to him already I guess. However, the important thing is not whether he can talk, but - he can eventually deliver his promises, lead America out of this self-created hellhole, bring jobs and health care back to the people, and concrete support for R&D aimed at improving the human condition and delaying (again self-created) doomsday. He addressed all these in his inaugural address.

Whether he can actually bring about the change he promised - well, what kind of change are we actually expecting? I mean, as long as we do not have the Bush people around, there will be change - because any American administration is likely to be smarter than Bush's. What the government do will start to make sense. But - Obama pledges a larger and more fundamental change, a change that is supposed to make America a more responsible nation and Americans more responsible people - I am not quite sure an administration can actually do that.

Obama might inspire the college student to be more aware of people around them and be less self-important. If this is something that can be sustained and be carried forth, it is definitely a positive societal force. However, do you genuinely believe that Obama can actually change Wall Street? Alter business practices? Fundamentally change the attitude of Americans who are stakeholders? Get the Jews who are Democrats to stop supporting a Zionist right-wing Israeli government?

We won't see America fundamentally change. All we might see is, America will join the Kyoto protocol, stop labelling people as the 'Axis of Evil', stop raging wars that are unnecessary, have more regulatory presence in the financial market, reduce the prominence of ideology in all practical fields, etc. - things that make intellectual sense. To fundamentally change America, it will take more than one generation and a fundamental change in the global power structure.

My prediction is - Obama's era would be a time where America would start to actively re-establish their reputation and leadership in the world, people will have less reasons to hate America, and they would begin to start actually doing something to solve the internal problems that have been bugging them but are being conveniently (or might even be actively) ignored.

Obama's era will be a satisfying era for people like us who are left-wing moderates. There will be significantly less idiotic things coming out of Washington DC (the NPR has been lamenting - they have NO MORE BUSH to make fun of!!). However, if you are expecting fundamental change - I am sorry, that is something you won't see. Probably you might have more hope looking at China change.
______________________________________________________
MCAT writing sample - done it in around 30 minutes. Please comment!

An understanding of the past is necessary for solving the problems of the present.

There are significant problems that the world faces now that require politicians around the world to put forth immediate and decisive action. A current example of such a scale would be the economic crisis that started in America as the sub-prime mortgage crisis and subsequently affected every country around the globe. As we look back into history, this is not the first time that the world is being confronted with such a significant economic crisis. The Great Depression in the 1930s is one which can arguably surpass this current crisis in terms of scale and impact. More recently, the bursting of the dot-com bubble in 2001 and the Asian financial crisis of 1997 are also examples which had significant impacts on global economy.

In this sense, when there are precedents to the current problems that we are facing, understanding the past will definitely help in solving the problems of the present. There have been a lot of parallels drawn in the media between the current crisis and the Great Depression in the 1930s, and economists have also spoken to draw on the similarities and differences between the two crises to see if we can learn anything from the way Franklin Roosevelt brought the country out of the previous crisis. Banks and governments around the world have also done the same, tapping into their experiences in dealing with previous crises to devise strategies to bring their countries out of the problems they are facing now. There have also been reports suggesting that the experience gathered and the reforms that had been in place in the Asian economies have prepared them a lot better compared to the crises they faced in 1997.

However, a lot of the problems that we face in modern times do not have parallels in the past. Issues such as global warming and the controversies surrounding stem cell research, for example, do not have precedents in the past. In this case, we are faced with a problem - even though understanding the past would be useful in helping us solve present problems, there is no direct 'past' for us to look into when we deal with these issues. This will thus form a situation in which it is impossible for us to look to the past for solutions even if we want to.

Does that mean that we will not be able to solve these problems satisfactorily? The answer is no. Other than looking directly to seek an understanding of the past, we are also capable of coming with novel solutions with no precedents in history. To avoid the ethical controversies surrounding stem cell research, scientists in Japan and Wisconsin have devised a new way of obtaining those controversial embryonic stem cells - they manipulated the genes of some normal body cells from an adult animal and turned them into cells which closely resembles embryonic stem cells. With their research, we can potentially obtain stem cells without having to 'murder' embryos - which have always been the point of contention surrounding stem cell research. In this case, scientists have solved an unprecedented problem using innovation which did not involve an understanding of history.

In short, it is not always necessary to have an understanding of the past before one can solve problems of the present. In the example of the financial crisis, knowing how we have dealt with similar problems in the past would definitely help to solve the problem, and people are indeed doing that now. However, in situations where there is no precedent for the current problem, that might not even be possible and thus an understanding of the past would definitely not be necessary. In fact, in situations like this, innovation and creativity might even be more important compared to an understanding of the past. The stem cell research example clearly illustrates that.

Baby mice

2009-01-19T12:00:00.003+08:00

If you find this cute, that's normal. But if you think that this is something 'useful', you are most probably a vet or are destined to spend the rest of your life in a lab...

I have got better, but there is still this irritating cough that doesn't want to go away. It is not very bad, and I am still trying to rest and self-medicate. Hopefully it will go away soon.

Nothing much is getting across my mind these days... Though, if you want me to tell you about my research, and various other things that I am doing / have yet to do, I can probably talk for half an hour. However I am pretty sure you won't want to get me started on prostates of mice that have not even been born yet.

However for men out there this might be interesting information. My boss talking about nestin - and I am currently helping him to collect some related samples from Carnegie which are pretty interesting...

David Berman, M.D., Ph.D., assistant professor of pathology, oncology and urology at Johns Hopkins, discusses the different ways he and his lab are looking at how prostate cancer develops.
(He is now associate professor btw.)

Sick and cold...

2009-01-15T08:06:00.002+08:00

This is probably the worst time to fall sick, and here I am, sick.

Started yesterday - extreme runny nose, weak and feverish, and got a cough too this morning. I know most probably what it is - some viral infection which doctors are useless at, but I went to the wellness centre anyway. As I expected, not very helpful.

So have been eating vitamin C and drinking herbal tea and honey with lemon and warm soy milk and sleeping a lot - but still have to go to work though. Other than that I minimised all other human contact, and substituted MCAT with sleep. And I tried to go home as early as I can.

Making matters worse, this is probably the coldest winter I have ever got over here. It is -3 degC now, not too bad still - tomorrow low is at -11 degC, Friday it is projected to have a wind chill of -18 degC. Wisconsin is at -16 degC now I think.

I don't like wearing a lot; usually 3 layers (with big jacket) is enough for me at 0 degC. For tomorrow and Friday, I guess I wouldn't have a choice but to wear more + beanie and scarf and gloves...

Back to work...

2009-01-13T21:26:00.006+08:00

Us and guide at Ipsaycocha Pass, 4600m
Ollantaytambo - Rio Urubamba valley

I am getting lazier and lazier in terms of replying to emails and writing this blog...

Anyway, I am back from Peru - photos to follow on Facebook and Picasa. To summarise: the country feels much like Malaysia, the hike was pretty tiring (and freezing cold), the drivers there are crazy, and I probably have learnt more about the Incas in that one week compared to the whole of my life. Which I suppose is a good thing.

And I got this tan on me now because of the high altitude sun and the brisk + crisp mountain breeze (or gust?). Needless to say, nature has always been as amazing as ever.

(How can someone not like nature? That is something that God made first-hand, the ultimate piece of art - mountains, rivers and streams, the sea, the sun, the night sky, beautiful flowers always make me feel happy. Things in the art gallery are basically just reproductions of those, and nature is something that no skilled artist can reproduce - you have to see it for yourself to believe its beauty!)

So now I am back, doing work in lab and studying for MCAT. Not exactly something that is very fun. I am planning to use this blog to practise writing, so expect to see some half-an-hour essays of bad quality (hopefully will improve in due course) here for the next 3 weeks...

Sunrise in Baltimore City

Happy New Year 2009!

2009-01-01T13:23:00.005+08:00

I am supposed to have thought about 2008 during Christmas and I should be thinking about 2009 now. Obviously I have not done so.

I have been spending all my time playing since Christmas eve. KH and Chenli arrived in Baltimore on that day, and I have been bringing them around since. We flew to Peru on Monday and of course we have been touring. And of course I will not forget the eating lol!

We will be setting off to the mountains tomorrow and we will start our hike the day after. It has been raining a lot but well, if I want the scenery and the expeience, that is something that we have to put up with! The group that we joined are mostly going to do the traditional Inca Trail, but the three of us will be doing Lares. It is supposed to be more pristine and more cultural, and of course we also get to see Macchu Picchu (i.e. the main thing the people on the Inca Trail is going to see).

Okay - I will go reflect when I come back from Peru. But one thing for certain - 2008 has been great, and 2009 will be greater. Also, no more no more procrastination...!

Happy New Year! Cheers :)

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-24T13:44:00.002+08:00

Let's have some local feel...

It's Christmas Eve in Washington

It's snowing tonight in the Blue Ridge
There's a hush on the Ches'peake Bay
The chimneys are smoking in Georgetown
And tomorrow is Christmas Day

The Tidal Basin lies quiet
The tourists have found their way home
Mr. Jefferson's standing the mid-watch
And there's a star on the Capitol Dome

It's Christmas Eve in Washington
America's hometown
For it's here that freedom lives
And peace can stand her ground

It's Christmas Eve in Washington
Our joyous wish to you
Is for peace, love and laughter
to last the whole year through

Snowmen peeking through the windows
It's warm with love inside
'Round the tree the children gather
Awaiting Santa's midnight ride

Mom and Dad are counting their blessings
Reflecting on all they've done
So thankful for another
Christmas Eve in Washington

Conclusion - Washington is a miserable place to be over Christmas. It is probably better in Baltimore LOL

Chinese Prophecy

2008-12-17T05:37:00.007+08:00

禮運大同篇

大道之行也，天下為公；選賢與能, 講信修睦。故人不獨親其親，不獨子其子；使老有所終，壯有所用，幼有所長，矜、寡、孤、獨、廢疾者皆有所養。男有分，女有歸。貨惡其棄於地也，不必藏於己；力惡其不出於身也，不必為己。是故謀閉而不興，盜竊亂賊而不作；故外戶而不閉。是謂大同。

這是已臻化境完美的世界, 是民主社會主義最高的境界.

最近無意中在瀏覽知識+的時候讀到別人談論的五代(一說唐初)預言書'推背圖'和明初劉伯温的預言書'燒餅歌', 兩者在最後一章和最後一節裡, 都作出了世界大同的預言和構想:

推背圖

第五十九象壬戌

讖曰

無城無府無爾無我
天下一家治臻大化

頌曰

一人為大世界福
手執簽筒拔去竹
紅黃黑白不分明
東南西北盡和睦

金聖嘆曰：「此乃太同之象，人生其際，飲和食德，當不知若何愉快也。惜乎其數已終，其或反本歸原，還於混噩歟。」

燒餅歌:
.......
愛民如子親兄弟, 創立新君修舊京
千言萬語知虛實, 留與蒼生作證盟

網上有許多人嘗試利用各種方法去破解這些預言, 相比之下有的說服力頗強, 有的則搞笑得很。尤其是那些充斥互聯網的法輪大法網站, 什麼東西都扯得上李洪志和中共邪黨, 叫人不得不嘆服. 各位如果有時間和興趣, 不妨到這裡看看, 當作複習一下中國歷史, 增添一些飯後談資, 也無嘗不可. 那些預言的可信度, 你自己判斷. 比較有趣的是第二象, 第三象, 第二十四象, 和第三十九象.

http://tbt.firedale.com/Prophecy1.asp

推背圖的最後一項預言, 比禮運大同篇的境界還要高, 與基督教的天堂和佛教的西方極樂世界有異曲同工之妙. 如果你認為推背圖在此預言的是世界末日, 則它連聖經啟示錄中的末日大戰和救世主下凡都有寫.

要注意的是, 推背圖的出處爭議很大, 一說五代, 另有人說是唐初, 內容也幾經纂改, 因此它可能好像很準, 但是如果它只是一部歷史書, 那它那裡可能不準! 如果連明朝徐光啟也曾染指推背圖, 那它和啟示錄吻合, 也沒什麼好奇怪的.

只不過, 連禮運大同篇的構想過了三千年我們都不能實現, 我們如何能期望推背圖第五十九象的大同構想能夠實現? 把它當成是末日預言, 或許能帶給我們一些安慰吧.

2008-12-16T06:32:00.001+08:00

http://www.time.com/time/specials/2008/top10/article/0,30583,1855948_1855957_1862041,00.html

Philosophy Finals

2008-12-15T23:28:00.002+08:00

10) Can we use the Ockham's Razor to solve the controversy regarding - although many arguments do argue for the existence of God, they fail to establish the existence of a unique divine being?

The Ockham’s Razor cannot satisfactorily address the problem of multiple deities. Attempting to use the Ockham’s Razor to solve this problem is an overly-simplistic approach that is not appropriate for the nature of the question.

The Ockham’s Razor asserts that good philosophy should be in its simplest form, and there should be no need to make anything more complicated than necessary. When used in the multiple-deity problem, the Ockham’s Razor can be used in this form:

> A system with a unique divine being is simpler compared to one that has multiple divine beings. Thus, according to Ockham’s Razor, multiple divine beings are not necessary and thus we should only accept one unique divine being.

Hume, in his remark, has addressed this issue to a certain extent. To summarise, his idea is that – although Ockham’s Razor might hold, there is still room to doubt that whether all the properties of God are that of one being only, or dispersed among several divine beings, and we cannot resolve this controversy with the ability that we have now.

I will discuss 2 ideas that are implicit in his remark.

1) A system with one divine being only is not necessarily simpler than a system with multiple divine beings.

> Hume discussed this – implicit in his remark is that, at least in the analogy that he stated, a system with multiple divine beings can be as simple as a system with only one unique divine being.

> Compare the Greek-Roman theological system and the Judeo-Christian theological system – it is not immediately clear which system is a simpler one.

> When we remove deities from a multiple-deity system and move towards a unique-divine being system, we are merely removing the quantity of deities

> A whole new set of problems, potentially even more complicated than before, can arise on the unique divine being

> Thus, removing the mere quantity of divine beings does not make the philosophical system simpler – there is a possibility that it can even become more complicated

> The Ockham’s Razor cannot be used this way – it has to be used holistically, not just removing mere quantities

2) Ockham’s Razor is a methodological paradigm; it cannot be used as an answer to a question.

> Hume said – we can’t ‘pretend that we can decide the controversy’.

> Using Ockham’s Razor to say that we should only accept one unique divine being, according to Hume, we are ‘pretending that we can decide the controversy’.
> It can be used as a way to form a theory, decide a mode of action, design tests to test theories – but it cannot be used as a conclusion.

> That is because, issues such as this (the multiple deities problem) demand some kind of truth, some kind of fact, as the conclusion

> Facts and truths cannot be decided by philosophical thought; they are facts and truths and will not change

> If we use Ockham’s Razor, a philosophical method, to decide on this fact, we risk error

> Thus, as long as we do not yet know for sure what is the absolute true answer to the multiple deities problem, there must be allowed room for doubt, as suggested by Hume

> Ockham’s Razor can be used to formulate tests and theories and gather evidence to test and seek the answer to the question, but we cannot use Ockham’s Razor to formulate an answer and decide that that is the answer.

旅夜書懷

2008-12-15T13:26:00.002+08:00

細草微風岸　危檣獨夜舟
星垂平野闊　月湧太江流
名豈文章著　官應老病休
飄飄何所似　天地一沙鷗

唐.杜甫

Just busted an hour.

2008-12-14T14:33:00.003+08:00

This set of 5 videos is a documentary about the relationship between Britain, the colonists, the new states and native people within the sphere of the Commonwealth in the 50s to the 70s.

Towards the end of the documentary the narrator talked about the positive and negative legacies of the Empire. I don't know how obvious this might be to some of you, but indeed we are still living in the shadows of the British Empire and inheriting its legacies. Although we do not see Britain as our 'motherland' anymore, neither do we feel that Britain would be the best place for us to be in - but without what the British had left behind, our lives would have been very different.

This may sound dreadfully wrong to those Chinese nationalists and fundamentalists (there are millions of those people especially online), but yes British colonial rule is part of our history, without which we would not have our current identity as Singaporeans or Hong Kongers but we would just be one of the 1.3 billion Chinese.

My view is no longer a popular one. Singaporeans don't talk about it, and Hong Kongers are increasingly identifying themselves with mainland China. There is nothing wrong with that though, and me having my views is probably also because of the kind of influence that I was placed under - interesting as it might seem, when I first set foot in Britain in summer 2007, there is this strange sense of familiarity about the things around me. The traffic signs, the telephone booths, the post boxes, the names of places, even the countryside - I have seen them somewhere, either in HK, in storybooks, in stamps, and even in those notebooks that my dad used to bring back for us to use.

Okay enough of Britain. Back to solving that 'meaning of life' question that is probably going to be one of my exam questions.

'If life has meaning, it must be possible for me to know that it does and further to know and understand to some significant extant what that meaning is.' Discuss.

This is the kind of stuff that I have to solve for the philosophy class that I took.

Birthday...

2008-12-12T09:50:00.003+08:00

Ah okay, this entry is to acknowledge that today is my birthday. The anniversary of the day my mum suffered to bring me to life.

Finished writing a paper, in the midst of studying for ACB, have yet to finish studying German.

Went for dinner with Dan and Gene, watched some YouTube.

I'll talk more later.

How can I not love my sister.

2008-12-07T11:13:00.004+08:00

The birthday card Sushi sent me nearly made me start rolling on the floor. When yc handed me the mail I knew immediately it had to be from Sushi. Absolutely NO ONE else I know will send me something like this:

The sheep toy can even be seen through the window in the envelop.

Haha I really really appreciated the card the toy and the effort! Thank you Sushi LOL

Exam Schedule

2008-12-06T03:22:00.004+08:00

There used to be this semester which my exams ended before everyone even started. Now, this is the schedule for this semester:

8 Dec (Mon):
Monuments and Memory Final Midterm (12pm)
Cell and Tissue Engineering Project Due

9 Dec (Tue):
German Final Oral Exam (12:15pm)

11 Dec (Thu):
Monuments and Memory Final Project Due

12 Dec (Fri):
Advanced Cell Biology Final (9am)
German Final (2pm)

15 Dec (Mon):
Philosophy of Religion Final (2pm)

16 Dec (Tue):
History of Medicine Final (2pm)

19 Dec (Fri):
Cell and Tissue Engineering Final (2pm)

Prayer song...

2008-12-04T04:59:00.003+08:00

It is originally in Cantonese. Someone translated it into English and the rendering is amazing.

Unreserved Love

I've always been told love won't survive
Promises will turn into lies
The world just thinks love comes and passes through
It never lasts pure and true

But I still believe love can last
Is your unfailing love that gives me rest
You are there when I needed you most
I'll never walk all alone

On the cross you died and took away my curse
Love so wondrous no one ever could deserve
Your bleeding hands proved your love unreserved
You're my greatest joy and treasure on the earth

Make my life a fragrant offering I pray
Help me Lord to serve you truly everyday
Through tears and joy I'll give you all my praise
Let the whole world know your love and grace!

Last week

2008-12-03T05:15:00.000+08:00

>Sushi: THANK YOU! I have sent the Phelps book to you on Wednesday, should get to you by the end of the week...

For the past couple of days -

Tk and Songyu were here. Brought them around Baltimore and Washington DC, and fed them better crabcakes (on two occasions) compared to those GCS had. And thanks to the car they don't have to walk around Baltimore and Washington DC - which was what I made GCS do.

It was fun. It is hard to not have fun when old friends are around. Songyu himself is already an entertainment channel with neverending programming. Though I think we got tk quite bored when we started talking about HCJC and biomedical stuff...

And as usual, felt good switching back to using that form of Chinese. One can actually talk about serious stuff using that kind of language - proven time and again - yet it is so much easier to mess it up and clown around using it. I am just too used to it I guess :P

Now that they have left, what is in front of me is a whole pile of work and exams for the next 19 days. For those of you who are going to be done with this term/semester soon, congratulations - for those of us who still have 14 - 19 days to go, err let's meet for a feast (drinks optional) at 6pm on 19 Dec.
____________________________________________
A friend sent me a message yesterday - I was telling her about my plans to do volunteering / social work when I am back and she showed her concern over recent events by postponing her reply to my topic and talked about something else completely.

I know about the massacre in Mumbai, the protests in Bangkok and also the loss of a young, cheerful and promising Singaporean in Mumbai. I also know that a lot of Singaporeans are struck by the loss - other than feeling for the family, we also began to realise that terrorism indeed affects every one of us, not just the ang moh walking in London or New York.

Based overseas, my immediate reaction was - what there is another one, and a new style?! All forms of terrorism, regardless of scale, impact and justification, ought to be condemned the most severely. However, it didn't affect me much - because, there is nothing we can do to prevent ourselves from being a victim, unless we stay at home all day and not go out.

What because of the risk of terrorist attacks I shouldn't go to New York? No way. I won't go to Columbia or Afghanistan but I will still go to Israel or India if there is a need for me to, not to go there for holiday maybe, but for work, yes.

We mourn for the loss of lives, we condemn the acts of violence, but we shouldn't be scared or depressed, neither should we lose hope and faith.

There are too many things in this world that are happening. Some of them will eventually affect us personally - the worst of the financial crisis is yet to come. But - is there anything we can do to prevent the worst from coming? I don't think so. But we can prevent the worst from happening to us, and according to our means help people to prevent the worst from happening to them.

We are already very blessed because - these crises hit us when we are relatively still burden-free. Which means - we can be relatively casual observers, participating yet not really participating in it while learning from other people's reactions what is the most prudent and appropriate. It is important because - there will definitely be more of such incidents coming in the future. 20 years later, we won't only need to be responsible for ourselves, but also our elderly parents, spouse and children. The previous major crisis (SARS) happened only 5 years ago.

Thus, while the world turns itself upside down, we should just live as normally as possible - and open our eyes to observe. We are not directly affected - so we are not, and we don't have to be. We ought to condemn terrorism, yes - and we should pray for the victims and their families and pray for our leaders so they can lead the world out of these crises peacefully. Other than that, go out and eat as usual, go shopping as usual, do homework as usual, love people as usual, praise the Lord as usual -

Don't doubt and lose hope now. That is what the terrorists want, and the world needs hope. Hope and faith will sustain us through anything - when something even worse comes upon us, it's only through hope and faith that we will know our directions.

小小鳥

2008-11-29T13:35:00.001+08:00

趙傳 - 我是一隻小小鳥

有時候我覺得自己像一隻小小鳥
想要飛卻怎樣也飛不高
也許有一天我棲上了枝頭卻成為獵人的目標
我飛上了青天才發現自己從此無依無靠

每次到了夜深人靜的時候我總是睡不著
我懷疑是不是只有我的明天沒有變得更好
未來會怎樣究竟有誰會知道
幸福是否只是一種傳說我永遠都找不到

我是一隻小小小小鳥　想要飛呀飛卻飛也飛不高
我尋尋覓覓尋尋覓覓一個溫暖的懷抱　這樣的要求算不算太高

我是一隻小小小小鳥　想要飛呀飛卻飛也飛不高
我尋尋覓覓尋尋覓覓一個溫暖的懷抱　這樣的要求算不算太高

所有知道我的名字的人啊你們好不好
世界是如此的小　我們註定無處可逃
當我嚐盡人情冷暖　當你決定為了你的理想燃燒
生活的壓力與生命的尊嚴那一個重要

Minister...

2008-11-23T13:00:00.005+08:00

If my parents ever decide to open a florist shop or a fruits stall or a chicken rice stall, I am pretty sure this photo will be shamelessly blown up and displayed at the most prominent position of the stall.

Stress.

2008-11-21T08:49:00.002+08:00

Waiting for something to finish incubating - everyone else has gone home.

Today is a mad day. I know that since yesterday - thus I slept at 10:30pm yesterday and woke up at 7:00am today. I definitely have to do that procedure today, because if I don't, it will mean a 3-week delay.

Sigh. It is not at all fun to lead a life with classes starting at 8:30/9 and ending at 1 everyday, and then you know you'll have stuff to do all the way till most of the time at least 7, and then you would still have some form of readings and/or homework and/or papers to do - in addition to that, I don't have anything in the fridge now that can be cooked quickly, I still have to find time to get food for Thanksgiving dinner - namely, I still have to run the household daily routine myself.

I left the house at 8am today. Other than the 10 or so minutes when I was back to keep cupcakes and to get rid of some disgusting trash, I have been outside working all along. After I am done with work in the lab, I will still have to go to Giant.

If not, I will have no breakfast tomorrow (I have to eat tomorrow morning - I need to stay up tonight, and food will become necessary at 4am), no milk to put into my coffee, and nothing else to drink other than tap water. The SSA will have no turkey for Thanksgiving.

This is when I really want to go home. When I am back, I know that however late I am home, there will be food on the table or in the fridge for me, whether or not I am free my parents will still go get groceries over the weekends, every morning when I wake up there will definitely be clean clothes for me to wear (and 95% of the time breakfast on the table), and most importantly, there will always be someone who loves me at home whenever I go back.

Whoever is reading this - it is not true that we have a medium/low level of stress constantly throughout the semester without stress peaks. That is NONSENSE.

We have high stress peaks at least once a week, and constant medium-stress throughout. You will understand when you are constantly under assessment - you will never want to mess up ANY one of them. Even if it is worth only 5%. When you have a couple of 5%-s, you will only have 10 hours to prepare for any, and the 10 hours means 10pm to 8am. It always ALWAYS happens to us.

I am not expecting people to understand. Haha I am feeling less stressed now compared to when I started. The timer beeped lol

Registration.

2008-11-19T21:01:00.003+08:00

@#$%%$#@#$%$#@!!!

At 7:45AM there are already FOURTEEN people on the waitlist of the D-Bio Lab session that I want (capacity = 20).

I waitlisted myself for thursday, and I am already the FOURTH on the list.

Idiots. If the motivation for you to take the class is to torture salamanders and chickens or an easy A, get out. I need it to graduate. Before I get someone to forcefully expel you through some other means.

Yes I am pretty pissed.

Campaign!

2008-11-18T07:10:00.004+08:00

Jo started a Facebook group yesterday dedicated to a common cause which all of us have.

Visit: FEED GRACE for more information.

(Nothing religious. It is LITERAL feeding.)

Of course, if you have recipes that are simple and GOOD, please share!

Research...

2008-11-16T16:12:00.003+08:00

Now my research has come to a stage where - I have to squeeze out all my brain juice just to form the next hypothesis.

It is pretty clear what the next steps are going to be, and we are pretty positive that we will be able to see a phenotype after we get our assay running and the knock-outs coming in. What phenotype though - that is the thing that I completely cannot predict.

Established literature doesn't seem to help much - accept for an experiment someone did as a control but they didn't make any story out of that. I know what those proteins I am studying are used for in various circumstances, but I just can't fit those functions into our experimental system, given the new model that a new PI in Hopkins recently established - and his data is convincing.

He came over to Hopkins from UCSF recently - when I went to listen to him on Friday I was pretty amazed by his presentation actually (we are using his protocol(s) already, and I used that chance to make myself known to him). What is more amazing is, I saw a familiar name in the presentation...! When I downloaded the paper today, I went to google that name and attempted to find out if she is actually THAT person that I know.

And indeed so. The HCJC Student Council President when I was in J1 is listed as one of the authors. She didn't even go to UCSF for college, but apparently she decided to go there for an internship after she graduated. Now the post-doc she used to work with works as a PI next to us.

Read the interview of Bianca by the SMA here to get an idea of what I am talking about:

http://news.sma.org.sg/3910/Interview.pdf

This is the paper.

AJ Ewald, et al., "Collective Epithelial Migration and Cell Rearrangements Drive Mammary Branching Morphogenesis", Dev. Cell 14, 570 - 581 (Apr 2008)

戀愛症候群.

2008-11-15T15:03:00.004+08:00

More stuff for you people to ask -

'WHY IS XIAOYANG POSTING THESE THINGS AGAIN?'

This is an interesting song though. I have posted the lyrics once, but I have not posted the videos before. There are 2 good versions (both using the same music track):

From Mainland China: Cute animations, but unclear words (simp.):

From Taiwan: Clear words (trad.), but the presentation isn't that great.

Key Vocab:
症候群 = Syndrome
免疫 = Immune (adj.)
內分泌失調 = Hormonal disorder
過濾性病毒 = Some kind of virus
三字經 = Swear words
啞鈴 = Dumbbells
食慾不振 = Can't eat
歇斯底裡 = Hysteria
四肢萎縮 = Muscular dystrophy
才華洋溢 = Very talented
形影不離 = Always together
兩人三腳 = A game where two players tie two legs, one from each player, together and they are supposed to walk
連體嬰 = Siamese twins
示威抗議 = Protesting
海峽兩岸 = China and Taiwan
衣索匹亞 = Ethiopia
厭倦 = Getting sick (of things)
疲憊 = Tired
心悸 = Palpitations
夢囈 = Talking while sleeping
精神不濟 = Lack concentration
瞳孔放大 = Enlarged pupils
顫動 = Shaken

Die.

2008-11-13T23:44:00.003+08:00

How to go back to medical school like that? Last minute mugging power has dramatically decreased. The C&T midterm is pretty much a disaster.

Sigh. When I am back, I will just have to do less random things. Meaning, I will have to devote more time to studying :(

Don't really like C&T - it is not as inspiring as I thought it would be. The research process seems to me way too random - to a certain extent it sounds like modern alchemy. It lacks the elegance of what basic biology can offer.

Oh well, there is still a final exam and a project which will add up to 40 - 50% of the total grade. No more messing up can be afforded...

:(

2008-11-12T11:09:00.002+08:00

I realised that I actually have very packed schedules - when I thought I have a slack week.

Today:
Morning: Class starts at 9 (conveniently skipped it), quiz at 10:30, all classes ended at 1.
Afternoon: Rested for 1 hour, lab ~ 2 - 6:30
Evening: Small group till ~9pm. Supposed to meet people to study after that but cancelled at the last minute.
Late evening: Homework homework homework paper paper paper... (and spending 45mins or so replying emails and blogging.)

2am is early when it comes to sleep.

Tomorrow:
Morning: Class starts at 8:30. I never skip Adv Cell Bio although I have S/Ued it - it is one of the more useful classes I have, provided I can keep myself awake. All the way till 1pm, with a short presentation at 11am.
Afternoon: 1pm: meet with Dr. Norris to discuss grad schools. Then, chiong to the medical school to help Dr. Lotan with UGS organ cultures.
Evening: 6pm: dinner. 8pm: Veritas Forum.
Late evening: Study for Cell and Tissue Engineering midterm...

Thursday:
Morning: C&T Midterm at 9am. Classes till 1pm with 1.5h break.
Afternoon: Head to the med school from 2pm. Dr. Kuriyama seminar at 3pm at Welch. Thursday is mice day, if there is no mouse, check out the UGSes and read papers.
Evening: prepare for sessions on Friday. Stuff to read.

Well at least Friday Saturday Sunday are still pretty empty... Need to figure out a way to stain the organoids though. This PTEN thing is getting curious. I don't know what is happening, can't even form a hypothesis from the data so far... Need some inspiration from the literature.

Okay. WHEN CAN I START EXERCISING AGAIN?! I don't want the army to come after me after I go back.

Die la. Next semester I am planning a 15.5 regular credits semester, with the only superfluous things being Immunobiology and Adv Dev Bio/Genetics, but I am also planning to do a medical tutorial + probably more stuff. And I don't know if I can get enough data for publication by June - doesn't look too good at this moment...

Sigh. See how la.

Permenantly Scarred?!

2008-11-10T01:32:00.005+08:00

The most interesting comment that I have gotten for the previous post was from tk.

He said that I sound 'permanently scarred'.

Woah lao. Not so serious la.

If I am permanently scarred,

1) I won't talk about it openly
2) Whenever you people mention it I will confirm flare up
3) There won't be any lesson learned, I will just continue to hate that person
4) I won't even move on with life and hope for anything.

The fact is,

1) I am talking about it openly now
2) You want to say it say lor, I don't care - I might even join in the discussion
3) I learnt something I think? And I don't hate her that is for sure
4) Am I not moving on with life?! Ask me and find out for yourself.

It just isn't very smart to, when everything is over, press reset and then make the same stupid mistake and wrongful assumptions again. That would indeed be not moving on with life...

And why people always say that I am emo... Wishing for someone who cares for me and loves me means that I am emo meh? Aiyo. It's just like, even if you don't want to study it doesn't mean you don't hope for an A in the exam...

Please hor. Don't need to introduce any girl to me. And please don't think too much - thanks a lot.
__________________________________________________
Since I got back from Cambridge I have always wondered how does our East Baltimore Campus compare to the size of Cambridge's City Centre.

Today I finally took 5 minutes to do the measurements on Google Earth - and I think our hospital campus is at least 30% the size of Cambridge's town centre.

I measured the walking distance between the two labs that I currently shuttle between. It takes me 10 minutes to navigate the maze of tunnels and bridges, but if I do not use the tunnels (which provide warmth and a shorter route), the distance between the two labs is 0.54 miles. That basically spans the whole campus diagonally.

That is the distance between University Arms Hotel at the southwestern corner of Parker's Piece to the Round Church at the junction of Bridge Street and St. John's Street. That is pretty much 80% of a side of a crudely drawn rectangle that marks most of town centre - if you define the span of town centre along that stretch of streets to be from Lensfield Road along Regent Street etc. to Quayside.

Erm. It is THAT far. A post-doc in my lab has suggested that I should get a bike :P

Lass das - 算了吧.

2008-11-08T12:41:00.006+08:00

最近和身邊的朋友談話, 話題都離不開男女關係.

緣起最近某一位朋友公開承認了他和他的女朋友的戀情, 引起了一陣小騷動. 到現在我們都還意猶未盡地開他的玩笑, 不斷地管他叫'新加坡驕傲的兒子', 他也拿我們沒辦法.

除此以外, 有朋友找到了目標, 也有朋友還難以放下...

我呢?

Who doesn't wish for someone who genuinely cares for him?

要說完全心如止水, 那肯定是謊話. 有誰不希望身邊有一個真正在乎你的人陪伴著?

只不過, 經過上一次, 我小心了很多很多.

有一位朋友說得好. 她說, 男孩子對戀愛的態度很多時候都希望關係能立竿見影地順著自己的意思發展, 而女孩子的態度則比較不會如此明確. 只不過, 在我家裡好像都是我跟我妹妹對別人的態度明確; 玩曖昧根本就不是我們的強項.

It is the worst to feel uncertain and insecure..

大概一年前我曾經說過, 我不喜歡別人扭扭捏捏. 如果你要發好人卡給我就請你直接發, 不要說了一大堆'不過...', '還是...' 之後我還不知道你想怎樣. 雖然你很有可能並不是有意地在玩弄我的感情, 但是客觀上你已經是在玩弄我了. Twins以前有一首歌的歌詞說 - '期待多麼可怕...', 以前我曾用過這句話來取笑我妹妹, 現在我親身經歷過之後, 這句話變得一點都不好笑了.

等待的時候是最痛苦的. 不是嗎? 如果你恨死了那種坐在手術室外苦等的感覺, 那就請你學會堅強一點, 坦白地面對自己的感情明確的做出選擇. 己所不欲, 勿施於人也.

When someone is in love, especially if he is not experienced, rationality and reason never fail to fail.

當人, 尤其是沒經驗的人在情網之中的時候, 理智是失效的. 在那個時候, 理智往往是在為主觀願望服務; 不論怎樣, 在那種情況之下, 不會有人能夠做出合乎理性的決定, 也不會有人能做出客觀的觀察. 一個人在那個時候是最脆弱, 最容易受擺佈的.

I think she likes me...

有一些女孩子對要好的男孩子在態度上有一個問題 - 不管那個女孩子對那個男孩子有沒有意思, 她都會和他走得非常的近, 親密的很; 當那個男孩子以為那個女孩子是在釋放訊號, 並也漸漸喜歡上她的時候, 女孩子還矇然不知. 直到男孩子終於按捺不住向女孩子表白的時候, 女孩子被捉個措手不及, 方寸大亂, 心裡還在喊: '我和你不是一直都只是好朋友嗎?'

結果, 雙方都深受其害. 當然, 這就是'我不知道我喜不喜歡你...', '我還沒準備好, 但是你要對我好的話我不會拒絕...', '我不知道我應不應該和你在一起, 過一會兒再說吧?' 之類登場的時候了.

Until now I still do not know if she had liked me before - I don't want to go back to the state-of-mind that I had been in. Never.

我當然曾經受害. 到現在我都不知道那個女孩子有沒有喜歡過我, 我只知道當時我滿腦子只有她. 我因為自己一個人住, 身邊沒有人可以傾訴; 當時我在校內不活躍, 又沒什麼朋友, 日子一點都不容易過. 正如我上次在HCF聚會上說的, 我就光自己關起門來想東西, 除此和讀書以外, 什麼都沒幹過. 當我決定放棄之後 (放棄的過程也不短), 我才慢慢地真正重新開始充實地生活. 要我現在回去當時的那個狀態, 我絕對死也不肯.

There are more important things to do - of course I still do want someone to care for me, but then, just let it be...

我現在沒什麼精力搞這些東西了. 比這個重要的事情多的是: 課業, 研究, 教會, 家務, 各種各樣的活動, 旅行計畫, 未來規劃, 都已經足夠了. 我當然希望能有女孩子在乎我, 關心我, 體貼我; 我也希望能在乎, 關心, 體貼她 - 但是, 一切隨緣吧. 當那個女孩子在天上掉下來的時候, 主自然會指引我到她的身邊的.

Good!

2008-11-06T11:58:00.005+08:00

Dr. Lotan: I actually have enough money to hire a tech, so that we don't have to spend time preparing all these and thus can concentrate on the experiments and solving the staining problems...
Me: Hmm yeah!

Do I actually worth more than a tech?

If I am, that is very good news indeed...!
___________________________________________________
Yesterday evening I was with Jo, Peter, etc. at the Election Watch.

People are very excited. After Obama's victory speech, supporters started celebrating on the streets. They were cheering all the way, blocking the traffic at the junction of 33rd and St Paul. At 3am the police came, took away a couple of people, including one of our professors :P

I wasn't there, but at least a friend and a teacher were there. It was pretty awesome. McCain got owned.

Alright. As a foreigner from Asia and a pseudo-European, I am very excited too. We now have a reason to be optimistic.

Although Obama has said that he is going to pull out of Iraq, I honestly do not believe that he will end the wars started by Bush irresponsibly. There is too high a price to pay if he does so; both politically and in terms of actual security. That is, I would be utterly surprised if he totally gives up American military presence, even gradually, in Iraq, Afghanistan, Middle East and Central Asia.

What I am expecting is, he is going to get his people to work out a way to maintain minimal military presence in those areas until American military presence is not needed anymore. But the important thing is, he is not going to start anything new. Europe doesn't want anything to do with war; Europeans want peace, and they want America to be on their side of the cause to help get it. Bush dragged everyone into war, and criticised France and Germany for not cooperating; Obama will not do that. If he does, I will be surprised.

Obama represents a new way of doing things, and a new attitude. He represents a stronger sense of social justice, and he represents a more active pursuit towards it. He has inspired a lot of young Americans to feel and think that they can make their country better, and in his victory speech he has asked them to put that into action. The Republican way is to advocate - you are responsible for striving and making yourself better, and naturally people around you will become better. The Obama way is, as you make yourself better, think of how to actively make other people better too.

Obama is about rebuilding America. Like Prof. Pomata (Italian) said today, the reputation of America as a great nation as been tainted by the Bush administration, and now it is Obama's turn to reinstate it. The Obama administration will be a more responsible one, both towards the American public and other nations. His mission would be to claim back the high moral status America has in the world, and I am pretty sure that he can do that.

And look at how he speaks. During his victory speech, he said, 'The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America - I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you - we as a people will get there.' If our PM Lee were to say exactly the same thing, he would go, 'The global financial situation is bad, investors' confidence is low, we will have a hard time ahead, and we ask all Singaporeans to bear with the government even when the policies are bitter and difficult to swallow'.

I wonder why Singaporean youths wouldn't care less about politics and their country.

He also said, 'I will ask you join in the work of remaking this nation the only way its been done in America for 232 years - block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand[;]' 'So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. ... In this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.'

It is basically the same thing as the previous paragraph; phrased differently, and appealing to a larger cause.

It is this larger cause that is inspiring a lot of people. If, because of the Obama administration, young Americans start to have a stronger sense of public responsibility, social justice and service, we can foresee America to have a rather dramatic attitude change in the coming years. This is when America will truly be great, and this is truly how we can have more reasons to be optimistic.

That is why I am excited. Not just me - people around me, all of Europe, Kenya in Africa - everyone is excited. We are excited because we know that there is a good chance that - Obama will bring a new attitude to America, and because of that the world will become a better place. Obama can be a great president. We will all see.

Stuff.

2008-11-03T06:40:00.010+08:00

Ridiculous incidents:

The most ridiculous thing I did was 3 weeks ago in Sandtown, when I got my car stuck between the curb and the car in front when I have 3 others in the car with another troop outside watching me park. I have to reverse the car up the pavement at a right angle before I got my car loose.

Today I went to church as usual - and drove my car to Wolman to see if anyone needed a ride. No one was there. I was suspecting if there was something I missed already, but I still wasn't smart enough. I drove to church anyway, and saw everyone was inside, and after a while people started walking out. Then I saw Grace.

Me: What time did this service start?
Grace: 8:30?

Erm. I forgot about DST. I thought it was 11 but err it was still 10. What an idiot.
___________________________________________________
So yesterday went to play paintball with a couple of people. It was fun - and once again it proved that I am not exactly very good at shooting games. But it was still fun - ran around for half a day in the sun (it was AMAZINGLY warm and sunny - if we decided to go today it would have been cold and cloudy again), and I actually did successfully personally capture the flag and brought it to base once.

The day before we were down at Fell's Point to see what's the deal for Halloween. Well there isn't much - basically just imagine a lot of crazy people dressed up crazily doing random crazy things; not the kind of fun that we would find 'fun' (i.e. same category as New Year's Eve's Time Square). So we ended up in Vacarro's eating copious amounts of Vanilla gelato, Belgium waffles, Tiramisu, cream puffs, chocolate eclair, rum cake, etc. Jo was amazed at the fact that, me, being a junior, has never been there before, when Grace had visited rather frequently over the summer, and he himself keeps going to Little Italy for good food...

This is not Fell's Point - this is a house near our school :P

My car is honoured to have Baoluo posing on it!

See how no one is looking at Jo.

The crazy crowd.

Realised a cheaper way to eat my lunches whenever I need to go to lab. I can actually go to the North Avenue MacDonald's (on the way), order 1x double cheeseburger, 1x McChicken, 1x small fries/4pc McNuggets/side salad and drink water from my lab's water fountain in my UK imported This Water bottle for $3.18 in total. It is rubbish food (>>remember it is staple for a lot of people living here), but it keeps me alive. Well though, I don't think I can sustain meals like that... It is very boring food!

Today I went out again - this time to the B&O Railroad Museum. As some of you might know, I am a train nut (proof = the MALLARD sign I have on my desk that I got in York), I prefer trains to planes whenever logical, and although I don't seem to remember any train names or models (Mallard, Silver Star, ICE, Eurostar, TGV, the Flying Scotsman, the Caledonian Sleeper and Shinkansen being the exceptions - let's not consider Amtrak and MARC), I still love trains. So I am happy that the topic of a small history paper that I have to write requires me to go down there to look, take photos, and ask people questions.

The museum isn't big - it is hardly half the size of the one in York. However it is a significant site - it is from here the first railroad in America started. The Baltimore and Ohio Railroad, linking Baltimore and Ohio River, was built originally as an alternative transport route linking the East Coast and the Midwest to compete against the Erie Canal which cuts across upstate New York. Its first stone was laid here in 1828, and the first stretch of 13 miles to Ellicott Mills (now Ellicott City) opened in 1830. The whole thing was complete in the 1850s I think.

To me trains have a couple of types. The sleek ones like the ICE are modern and fast, the okay ones like Amtrak are older and slower but comfortable, the ugly ones like the one linking Cambridge and London, the New York City Subway, the MetroNorth and the Picadilly Line can only merely function to carry passengers, and there are also the historic ones with that kind of font, those logos on them, those classy names and that kind of locomotives:

A B&O Locomotive

The MetroNorth...

Haha next time when I have kids, they will definitely have a lot of toy trains and tracks to play with. That is because those stuff are not mainly for them, but for my own amusement :P

July 06 2004

2008-11-01T05:26:00.007+08:00

From DHS4K01

Travelling back in time... July 06 2004.

This is our post#1. It is over THIS particular gathering that we decided to start this blog.

It has been 4 years. Since then we have been talking about the status of the S.A.D. (Single and *ahem*) club, and after quite a bit of a stir everything goes back to how it used to be. We have left the country, gone back or going back soon; travelled the world; did whatever our hearts and our minds called us to do; continued to be establishing our professional status; moved on with life with our partners...

How much we have gone through since then, how much has changed, and yet how much remains unchanged?

I am coming back to Singapore soon to celebrate GCS's ORD. Hang in there.

By the way, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
(Heading down to Fell's Point in 3 hours...)

outside Harry's @ the Esplanade

effects of esctasy

seven eleven

groping abt in the dark...

5 handsome "humks"

and more! girls lost in time... b&w makes the pic feel kinda timeless eh...

the four pretty girls!

phantom of the steamboat

the 4K steamboaters! the first time we have a gath where there are more girls than guys.. haha.

"There You'll Be"

When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

In my dreams
I'll always see your soul
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

Hey yo.. do you all remember this song? I think the lyrics mean a lot more to me now... when we have left dhs... really glad to see so many ppl turn up for the last steamboat & pubbing gath. I had a great time. I do miss 4K. Hope we will all keep in touch, if not face to face then at least through this blog k?

~~*memorycatcher*

As life goes on,

2008-10-29T09:05:00.002+08:00

www.cascadebioscience.com

At the retreat I made 2 commitments.

1) To start doing things immediately as soon as there is a need to do so.
2) To definitely make an effort to set aside time everyday for prayers and reading the scriptures.

(Retreat = Fall Conference with HCF somewhere upstate Maryland over last weekend.)

So as soon as I came back, I changed the layout of my room. Shifted the bed 90deg, kept my printer which is no longer working, placed two sets of drawers together and created a second table next to one of my bookshelves, moved the portable lamp so that it worked as a second table lamp, and my computer will never go to the second table (to make checking email/watching YouTube inconvenient when I am there).

Has been working as far as I can tell; yesterday night I was doing what I was supposed to be doing (studying German) but I was just simply too tired. So instead of some excessive studying, I had enough sleep instead. Which is good :)

And today I went to S/U Advanced Cell Biology. I did not do well for most of my homework; although I think I probably wouldn't have done too badly for my midterm, I still think that it is a better idea to S/U it. This will give me one less thing to worry about.

AND - I am loving my work...! That day as I was talking to yc and Grace I made the following comment - 'You guys know me for 2 years already and you still don't know meh - since when I work with money as the primary concern one! Now I don't even receive credits nor money for my research!'

(Technically, A*STAR is paying me - so because I have enough money to get by, and I don't need that extra cash, I don't have to ask to be paid...)

I am just happy that I have access to both human and material resources to allow me to play with things that I want to play with. We are actually going to start growing some recombinant tissues (prostaspheres :D) either in vitro or as grafts and establish a budding assay. We are developing the strategy now. The expression patterns have also been tremendously interesting; I am hoping tomorrow will see more striking results with the newly established phospho-Akt immunofluorescence.

Also, we are almost set with the Peru trip after Christmas (the three of us have been talking about it through our Cambridge days, and CL has apparently proven her worth in Yellowstone and the Rockies). Our focus will be on Lima, Cuzco and Machu Picchu, plus a three-day hike - most probably we won't be following the Inca Trail though. I really hope it will work out! Honestly, as soon as we graduate from college, there won't be time for us to do such things anymore...

(Sigh. I want to go back to Cambridge!)

Nicht so gut...

2008-10-23T06:01:00.003+08:00

Not very good.

Submitted a set of cell bio homework today, and when I saw the answer key (actually she went through the whole assignment in extreme detail), I started to doubt my ability to be a scientist.

At least half my answers are wrong. Wrong as in - wrong facts stated, and wrong analysis. Well you know there will be certain things that have to be wrong even though this kind of assignment is not meant to have absolute right/wrong answers.

I analysed myself and think that the reason behind the recent mess-ups (history of medicine exam included) are due to:

1) Too complacent
2) Too lazy to actually study properly
3) Failed to concentrate when reading stuff. The homework is one good example.

I am being too nuah lately. TOO NUAH. Cannot.

So what if I am graduating this year. After this, medical school is worse.

Anyway.

ESTJ - "Administrator". Much in touch with the external environment. Very responsible. Pillar of strength. 8.7% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

Extroverted (E) 53.57% Introverted (I) 46.43%
Sensing (S) 67.86% Intuitive (N) 32.14%
Thinking (T) 70.97% Feeling (F) 29.03%
Judging (J) 52.78% Perceiving (P) 47.22%

Since WHEN I become weak E again? Since WHEN I become strong S?!

Might not be a bad thing. As long as I am still T, I have not lost my mind :P

Hokkien Peng

2008-10-22T06:33:00.000+08:00

This one quite classic huh.

Internet.

2008-10-20T06:55:00.002+08:00

This Internet thing is driving me nuts.

Not being able to load YouTube is already one huge issue. And - when it takes freaking 5 minutes to download a 1Mb paper, this is simply ridiculous. It is not as if we don't pay for it.

We are probably going to change service provider soon...
______________________________________________________
This is MY signaling pathway :)

Which is your favourite gene?

www.cellsignal.com

No kidding.

2008-10-18T21:42:00.004+08:00

1) My parents are on Facebook! If you know them too, you can go to my profile, find them and add them :D

2) I am in lab now, and the music that is blasting from the computer speakers are Cantonese Classics from the 80s. Not me but a Chinese post-doc started it - he says that he loves Cantonese songs :P Haha this is making me happy which is good.

Haha if I were to whine I have A LOT of things to whine about. For example over the past couple of weeks every week I will have at least 2 nights not getting more than 3 hours of sleep, yet everyday I have lectures starting at either 8:30am or 9am. While at the same time I am having quite a bit of fun too, so it kind of balances out...

Disney and America

2008-10-16T14:05:00.002+08:00

Taking a short break from paper writing...

The Ballad of Davy Crockett

Theme song of some 1950s Disney movie. Davy Crockett is a hero in American history; he sacrificed during the Battle of Alamo in 1836 when Texas was fighting for independence from Mexico. He used to be a House of Representatives congressman from Tennessee, and after he was done with politics decided to travel west and got himself involved in the Texas Revolution.

I began reading a little about this after a lecture on 'Remember the Alamo!' and realising how hopelessly ignorant I was regarding this part of American history. And more and more I realise with significant interest that Disney concepts are extremely tied in with American history and ideals, and without actually being American it is super difficult to sense it without just buying into the whole Disney fantasy thinking that it is uniquely Disney.

The lyrics of this Disney song makes this super obvious! I actually have this in my music collection and I didn't even know until today :P

The Ballad of Davy Crockett

Born on a mountain top in Tennessee,
Greenest state in the land of the free,
Raised in the woods so he knew ev'ry tree,
Kilt him a b'ar when he was only three.
Davy, Davy Crockett, king of the wild frontier!

Fought single-handed through the Injun War
Till the Creeks was whipped an' peace was in store,
An' while he was handlin' this risky chore,
Made hisself a legend forevermore.
Davy, Davy Crockett, king of the wild frontier!

He give his word an' he give his hand
That his Injun friends could keep their land,
An' the rest of his life he took the stand
That justice was due every redskin band.
Davy, Davy Crockett, king of the wild frontier!

He went off to Congress an' served a spell,
Fixin' up the gover'ment an' laws as well,
Took over Washin'ton so we heered tell,
An' patched up the crack in the Liberty Bell.
Davy, Davy Crockett, king of the wild frontier!

When he come home his politickin' done,
The western march had just begun,
So he packed his gear an' his trusty gun,
An' lit out grinnin' to follow the sun.
Davy, Davy Crockett, king of the wild frontier!

His land is biggest an' his land is best,
From grassy plains to the mountain crest.
He's ahead of us all meetin' the test,
Followin' his legend into the West.
Davy, Davy Crockett, king of the wild frontier!
Davy, Davy Crockett, king of the wild frontier!
King of the wild frontier!

Bringing the discussion forward:

2008-10-14T23:29:00.010+08:00

Dear Mum/Dad: Sorry if my recent posts have been pretty religion-related. Though if you can read and think through them as well they should be pretty interesting to you too! It is a good chance for you to know what I am actually believing in.

Let me copy out my characterisation of GCS's viewpoint regarding Christianity and he approved it:

CS's position further means that, if God shows himself and sticks out a hand to pull him to heaven, he will not reject Him; he just doesn't like the idea that, if people stand up against God or do not receive Him, they will be thrown to hell for eternal damnation, and he feels that even for people who do not accept God, by our definition of God, He should accept them as well because He is infinitely good. So, Jesus coming to the world and dying on the cross to redeem us from our sins and offering righteousness through faith (by Christian doctrines) is not enough to show the grace of God; by the Christian definition of God, He should be handing out free gifts to all. Then that's when He is worth being followed.

I would reply to this as follows. I will not use any analogy - Ferret's chicken rice analogy has been twisted and it is not twisted in a convincing way either. So as a lot of prominent philosophers'. Analogies are not necessary.

(And I am not going into why evil exists in the first place here.)

To reply to GCS's point regarding a humane and benevolent God should be handing out 'free gifts to all': God like that is not humane and benevolent; that would be one which encourages anarchy. If God is indeed humane and benevolent, He would be able to differentiate what is good and what is evil, goodness will be rewarded and evilness punished. There will not be fairness in the world if everyone is rewarded even if they reject God outright - and by nature of human beings non-distinction encourages the evil to be more evil and the good to become evil.

I do not think that we can see God's grace as being completely 'free'. We did not earn it, obviously in that God sent Jesus to die for us without even asking for any pre-requisite. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't come with a price. To accept God's grace there is a certain attitude that we have to undertake. Throughout the Gospels the theme regarding 'following Jesus means sacrificing everything else that you have for the Truth' repeats itself numerous times. We might suffer, we might be persecuted, we have to dig open our hearts and lay all our deeds and thoughts open and repent, we might be put through all kinds of temptation, but all those are okay because we know it is the Truth that we are seeking. We are not doing this to seek favour in the Lord, but it is just what we are supposed to do.

It is the act of accepting that makes the difference.

Honestly I don't think the Pharisees that openly persecuted the Church would be allowed entry to heaven if they didn't repent and cease doing what they were doing. Saul did that when he was called and he became the hero St. Paul; I have no idea about the rest. He talked about himself in Philippians 3.

Thus, Christians are always warned against self-righteousness. Simply put - thinking that you can be good enough. A lot of people's objection to the whole hell idea is that, doesn't good people who are 'righteous' their whole lives would have to go to hell as well just because they are not followers of Christ? In Christian doctrines, we do not believe that anyone is good enough, at least in the eyes of God. By definition, God is infinitely good, and we are finite - this is one way of seeing it. Another way of seeing it is, we don't even know ourselves well enough sometimes. Who is to tell that righteous people living in this world are all perfect - how do you know the philanthropist who donates 1 million to YLL SOM every month does not secretly have an affair, does not like to surf porn, etc.? If you are that philanthropist, and you know that you don't have an affair and do not like porn, but probably you won't know that 50 years ago when you made your first million you forced three other businesses to go out of business and 30 families to lose their main source of income and suffered, and apparently you were so engrossed in your success then that you didn't do anything about it, and then you forgot about it.

This is why we are warned against self-righteousness. You think that you are good enough, but in fact there still are some problems within yourself that you probably don't even know. Comments made by others are even more suspicious: time and again people whom we all agree to be upright in society has been charged with all kinds of crimes, including prominent religious figures, whether Christian or not.

To that God has a very high standard. He needs all of us who enter heaven to be almost like Him (makes sense right?). He knows none of us have the ability to do that by ourselves, so Jesus came and was crucified to fill up the gap 2000 years ago to pave the path towards judgment day. God knows each and everyone of our problems, we might have forgotten about them, but He still sees them. Being self-righteous means that you will be blinded in some way. Heaven by its nature should be infinitely good too; thus, no one can achieve God's standard by himself without His help (many ways to articulate this concept), and if you do not do something to accept His (free) grace, you cannot achieve God's standard, you are not eligible for heaven, and the only other option is Hell and nothing in between at the end of time.

Thus, when we ask the question 'Doesn't good people who are righteous their whole lives would have to go to hell as well just because they are not followers of Christ?' we are judging other people and God using human standards. Heaven is where God lives, God does not judge with our standards. He judges us using His. Our standards are nowhere near His, and He is always helping and willing to help us achieve His.

Buddhists believe that one can achieve self-enlightenment; this is a concept fundamentally different from Christianity. Humanists believe that humans can settle everything without the need of a God, this is also something fundamentally different (more similar to Buddhist thought though). If you are a humanist, your main objection should not be the 'compartmentalisation of religion'; because Christians are not compartmentalising our faith, it is just that we simply do not believe that humans by ourselves are good enough to achieve the standard of God. Instead, your objection should be this fact that I have just stated.

I mentioned when I spoke in large group that I thought about a lot of things when I was in my freshmen year; one of the conclusions that I came to was this. I would rather be skeptical about human ability and human institutions than to be skeptical about God. I am extremely thankful to God that He made me realise this, and CS - this is the fundamental difference between us.

No fairy tale involved.

It ain't that deep.

2008-10-11T11:45:00.004+08:00

If you actually bothered reading my previous post, I hope that you actually understood what I was talking about... It was, after all, philosophy.

However, from the standpoint of a believer, all these discussions are not that meaningful actually. We believed based on faith, and all these rhetoric is not going to change anything. We do not need to know that it is 'impossible that an infinite causal series exists' before we believe in God. Only people who still not yet believe will say 'I'll believe that God exists when I see angels dancing outside my window' (quote GCS); to believers, our existence everyday is sufficient proof for God's goodness and power.

That is how Anselm's ontological argument will work perfectly for us; God exists both in reality and in the mind, and he is of course infinitely good. It is not difficult at all. We feel him acting around and in us everyday.

Actually, the phrase 'I'll believe that God exists when I see angels dancing outside my window' assumes that God (if the unbeliever finally believes) is a physical existence, which is not likely to be the case. Even if God does not exist physically but only metaphysically, it does not render Him any unreal - He still exists in reality, it is just that we can't perceive Him through our physical senses. Well of course Jesus is an (and so far the only) exception. Anyway, because we are finite, even philosophically we can never fully comprehend God. All we can do is try our best.

A friend once asked me which is the Christian song that means the most to me. I replied that it is the children song 'Jesus loves me this I know'. This song has been playing in my cassette (together with 'London Bridge is falling down') since probably when I was three - and I only recently rediscovered it. It served to remind me how faithful God is - and the song very comforting as well...

Jesus loves me this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is strong

Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so

(Jesus loves me He who died
Heaven's gate to open wide
He will wash away my sin
Let His little child come in)

(Jesus loves me He will stay
Close beside me all the way
He's prepared a home for me
And some day His face I'll see)

God = ?

2008-10-10T02:26:00.007+08:00

Just to share - this is part of my homework. The posting that I was talking about in the last post. My reply to #206 is #216.

Message no. 206
Author:RACHEL RYAN
Date: Thursday, October 9, 2008 12:34pm

Anselm claims that we can not conceive of a thing that is greater than
that which can be though (i.e. God). But we can not even conceive of God.
The 'perfect island' objection invokes comprehensible, worldly ideas.
And these ideals can be conceived of, for they are real, and relatively
tangible. God, however is not tangible, and no human could possibly
conceive of him. So, even if in our imagination we can conceive of this
great being, how is it remotely legitimate to suppose that such a
thing’s existence would be ideal? We have no reason to believe. Who
are we to try and conceive of this being? Granted, Anselm stipulates
that you must be a believer to understand, but if every argument were to
have a similar stipulation, you would rule out all possible opposition.
In essence, I can't see how Anselm's argument is even remotely
legitimate and discussed by philosophers. It seems so close-minded and
uselessly simplistic.

Message no. 216
Author: HIU YEUNG LAU
Date: Thursday, October 9, 2008 2:18pm

You have brought up very interesting points, and I do think that today's
lecture has enlightened me enough to put forward some points that might
address these issues.

There is an issue regarding human limits here. Anselm's first premise
defines God as 'something in which nothing greater can be thought', and
subsequently Guanilo's reply built on this point and made that
'something' tangible. Prof. Gross mentioned that a valid reply to the
objection will require that the reply addresses relevant differences to
these two variants of the same argumentative form, and from what I have
gathered, there seems to be a fundamental problem with Anselm's first
premise which generated the perfect island problem.

When Anselm said 'something in which nothing greater can be thought', he
probably unknowingly placed limits to the world that he is talking
about. If you think something as 'the best', it will have certain
qualities which you assigned to that object to make it 'the best'; and
since it is 'the best', you can't think of anything better already.
Of course, such things can be conceivable and understood, and of course,
it might or might not exist - the only way to prove it is to find it,
and finding it is a simply game of probability, because this 'the best' is
based on a limited, finite world. To add on to that, 'the best' is almost
always subjective as well.

However, God is different. Let's change the first premise to 'God is a being
that is absolutely perfect and infinitely great' (assuming that it is true -
Anselm will agree with me I suppose). Now the point of contention comes
to premise 2 (God exists in the mind): to believers like Anselm,
premise 1 is not a difficult concept to grasp; to unbelievers, this is also
a concept that is possible to grasp. Thus, it is not necessary for premise 2
to be false even if that is the case - we might not be able to imagine God
as exactly how He is like, but it is possible that we can comprehend the
concept that God is 'absolutely perfect' and 'infinitely great'. And the rest
follows, because there is no such thing as more perfect and greater than
'absolutely perfect' and 'infinitely great' - and just to bring the
argument down a little, to individuals, isn't the existence of something
'good'/'great' (can even be subjective, need not be absolute/infinite)
better than not?

It also follows when Anselm suggests that God exists in reality that he
might not have meant a physical existence. By means of God having a
physical existence, He will NOT be 'absolutely perfect' and 'infinitely
great', because anything physical has LIMITS. The world (assuming the
world has no limits) is not only limited to things that are 'physical'
and 'imagined' - an example would probably be TIME. 'Real' doesn't equate
to 'physical'. Thus, we can see God as existing in a realm whereby He's
neither 'physical' or 'imagined', but yet He is still real - probably
some kind of metaphysical existence that we can grasp but not fully
comprehend.

Lastly, yes it is true that we can never fully comprehend God, because
we have limits and by that definition God is infinite; infinity divided
by a finite number = infinity. However, the job of a believer is not to
fully comprehend God, but to approximate as much as we can, which is
possible - in mathematics we have this idea of the 'asymptote',
something we can get closer and closer to but never fully reach. That is
what people like Anselm spends all his life doing - to understand God as
best he can. There is this whole set of Christian theology that
addresses your question regarding 'who are we to try to conceive this
being'; I won't go into that here.

Of course, for this argument to be sound, the first premise has to be
true, and honestly there is no way I can prove to you that it is true.
As a result, Anselm's notion regarding the pre-requisite for this
argument to work is that you must be a believer is true. This argument
cannot prove God's existence if you do not believe that God is
absolutely perfect and infinitely great (premise 1), or refuse to
understand the notion (premise 2); but to a believer it makes complete
sense. This can only serve as a means of 'faith seeking understanding' -
by pondering over this believers can better understand what they are
believing in, but it cannot serve to prove to an unbeliever that God exists.

Homework:

2008-10-09T16:21:00.002+08:00

Yayy finished my cell bio homework!~

Still got:
1) German: Nico, vocab list, quia
2) HOM: paper due tomorrow. Haven't even done the reading. And of course reading for this week.
3) Phil: Luckily I have completed anaylising Anselm and the reply. Have yet to do the posting...

By Friday.

5th week of school...

2008-10-07T07:55:00.003+08:00

I am too many things to do. Really.

But I am not giving up play! I was in Boston last weekend; it was awesome! Met up with so many people, and I got to eat my lobster :D Also, I actually got to address my concern regarding the relative lack of social support to low/middle-income families regarding financial planning and seeking opportunities to the PS that presented to us. He replied that - involving too much into that can potentially put the government in danger of being too omniscient, and from there I implied that after all the provision of such services will still rest in NGOs and the civic society. I will see what we can do about it.

Random things - I have long been using the Mudd - Macauley - Dunning - Remsen tunnel to avoid the crowd out of Mudd after lectures. Now I discovered an even more cool tunnel/overhead bridge link in the Med School which links the southwestern-most building (where my lab is) and the northeastern-most building (where my collaborator's lab is):

From NE: Rangos -(bridge)- Wood -(corridors)- Pre-Clinical -(bridge)- 1850 Monument -(bridge)- Rutland -(bridge)- Carnegie 3rd floor -(stairs)- Carnegie 1st floor -(hospital corridors)- Halsted -(hospital corridors)- Blalock -(hospital corridors)- Administration -(underpass)- Outpatient Centre -(tunnel)- CRB I -(tunnel)- CRB II (SW)

Haha Biopolis's skybridges cannot even match. Unless there is an unknown tunnel that links Biopolis, Fusionopolis and NUH then yes Singapore will win.

I have also engaged myself in a pretty interesting small online discussion on the relationships between YLL SOM and Duke-NUS, as well as the need for change in our medical education system and the attitude of our doctors towards research and teaching. It is quite refreshing getting such viewpoints from a YLL student and I guess it helps bring people like us back to the actual ground situation in Singapore and not think everything should and can work like how we work here in Baltimore.

Looks like it is going to get pretty exciting as soon as I go back. I have submitted to the fact that my destiny will be tied to Singapore's, so I might as well show some interest in such issues and not always thinking about running away...

22%.

2008-10-02T04:02:00.000+08:00

電費調高22%?!
要是在香港或台灣, 人民早就起來造反了.
只有在新加坡,
生活必需品價格如此無理上揚,
人們依然一聲不響,
一點抗爭的念頭都沒有,
更甚者還會有人嘗試去理性地解釋和接受.

我們被環境培養出來逆來順受的特性,
除了為國家帶來安定,
也讓我們很容易地適應新環境.

沒錯, 世界大環境日新月異,
我們為了生存只能跟著改變.
商場取代成衣工廠,
IR取代虎豹別墅,
這是時代的必然.

可是, 我們能全部消化嗎?

在我們的小島裡,
又好大的一群人,
環境使得他們沒法擺脫中產階級的宿命.
他們是我們國家的中流砥柱,
他們用汗水支撐著國家的運行,
讓政府精英們能放手掌舵,
帶領我們穿過驚濤駭浪, 航向更廣闊的未來.

他們的命運, 就是國家的命運;
國家的命運, 就是他們的命運.

儘管我了解生活費上漲是因為燃油價格高漲,
連帶運輸成本上升;
糧食供應不足,
美元貶值, 人民幣升值,
全球各國無一倖免, 我也沒有任何辦法.

可是, 以七月原油期貨為理由解釋電費的22%升幅?
有沒有搞錯?!
加7%還能吃得下去,
22%?!

政府不干預市場價格,
不津貼必需品, 免得消費者過度預期,
絕對合理 -
可是, 這次我們大家都知道原油價格最近大幅回落,
你這次一次過不動聲色地津貼2/3升幅,
這三個月只加7%,
我們一樣能收到同樣的訊息,
用得著一次過加22%電費嗎?

我這裡的租金三年來累計加了25%,
收入才剛在凍結了三年後一次加了16%;
如果你突然把我的水電煤氣費升高22%,
想想我會什麼反應?

不完全照章行事, 不是不能,
只是看制度裡有沒有人願意去做而已.
明顯地, 沒有人願意, 也沒有人想到,
當然, 解釋政策的合理理由是一定有的 -
我前面已經提到過了.

現在如此的環境,
儲蓄利率在1%以下已經好些時日,
定期存款利率也不見得有多好,
投資銀行一家一家倒閉,
股票市場不穩定,
另加大白兔奶糖含毒, 電費調高22% -

財源不足的我們,
要如何有足夠的信心規劃未來?
或許我本身不用擔心自己的鐵飯碗,
國家也可能已有足夠準備,
明天會更好;
可是, 我們應該多信任政府和市場才夠信任,
應該多樂觀才夠樂觀?
我們又有什麼理由信任,
什麼理由樂觀?

這些問題, 有沒有人願意誠懇認真地回答?

Economy -

2008-10-01T10:39:00.003+08:00

I guess I should make some comments on this?

I am certainly no expert and I do not wish to make any superfluous comment that will make me sound naive. But then again, this is something that affects me and thus naturally I am interested.

So, I am concerned about -
1) Is my money in BOA safe?
2) How will this impact research funding?
3) How will this impact my family's planning and my own planning?
4) Will this lead us to a state whereby I won't be able to find money to buy my first house?

I think -

1) Although it is pretty scary now but that shouldn't be a concern. BOA has been strong in their retail banking and they should have enough capital to absorb the shock. The fact that it is federally insured, well that's a bonus; though if BOA dies I don't think even the federal government can absorb it. We will all die together.

2) We can almost definitely expect federal funding to crunch in the short-to-medium term. No matter who becomes the next president, both have their own priorities and medical research is not part of anything. But the awesome thing about America is that research is not entirely dependent on the government, thus although funding will become more competitive it is unlikely to have a sustained effect on research as a whole. We have to be aware, though, that schools might cut down PhD positions and stipend rates, and there might be stronger competition for research fellowships.

3) I have been extremely conservative regarding my financial management, mainly because I do not have time to properly manage a complicated plan, and partially also because I am not too concerned about planning for the future at this moment. The economy's problem is not going to affect me in that respect, and because I am bonded, I am not worried about survival in the next 10 years at least. Though because I am thinking of going to do MD/PhD and this decision will severely impact my income and financial status, I will probably have to check spending pretty carefully in the next two years just in case I want to get married five years from now or something. I need to make sure that I can get fellowships to at least partially fund my medical education and PhD too.

4) This is something I can't control - I don't think the credit crisis will last that long, and if it does, we are all in deep trouble. Well, the worse case scenario would be, even after I get married I will still be living with my parents... So I definitely won't be in trouble, and since there is no way I can get married now, I am not worried. The smart thing to do would be, get a subsidised HDB before the combined income shoots above $8000, which I believe is quite unlikely to happen.

Oh and will the market sort itself out under all circumstances? I sincerely hope that it can, but I don't believe that it can without making all of us honest unambitious people not smart enough to undertstand financial engineering pay a huge price at intervals and usually at the most unexpected moments. Regulation is always a contentious issue, I don't know what to suggest about it, and I hope that those smart people sitting in DC and NY know what are their priorities and know what they should do...

New Skin - Finally!

2008-09-28T14:32:00.002+08:00

On 'Life is not fair, and it will never be':

>Ferret: I have been praying about it - I believe that I will know the answer when the right moment comes...
>Songyu: that is too poetic already man. I don't think the kind of life that I am heading towards will be 'sweet', but I don't suppose I will regret anything...

Finally got my new skin!

The banner is basically a summary of my adventures: from left to right, sheep soft-toy looking out of my bedroom window; Biopolis from the Proteos/Genome skybridge; Johns Hopkins Hospital; Cambridge's King's College Chapel with Sushi.

The idea 'life is not fair' - well, is a concept that looks nice on the human right declaration, but once you hit the realisation that 'it is never supposed to be', it will not bother you much anymore, because the realisation will make all perceivable comparisons completely pointless.

It is precisely because life is unfair that we end up in various positions filling up various roles. We are all here for different purposes, and we will fulfill our purposes differently because we are all different.

Thus - we should spend more time in finding our own purposes rather than lamenting about how we did compared to other people, how many bungalows he has and how many bungalows I have, and he can hire a $1000-tutor for his child while I have to teach mine myself.

As for me, I am not too bothered with material wealth and enjoyment (I was complaining previously because I can't even survive without putting myself in debt), thus that explains why I am absolutely not interested in any job in the finance sector even though they promise millions of dollars. But I still don't know what my purpose is supposed to be...

I am pretty sure I am the kind of person in which if I can get a comfortable Honda to drive I will see it as completely pointless to get a Jaguar or Lexus - like I don't even bother what kind of cell phone I use as long as it works and is cheap, and flying SQ is not something necessary if it is not one of the cheaper options.

Thus, as long as my family can live comfortably, I am not bothered if I can't get a lot of monetary returns from my (disproportionately heavy) work - I believe I am pretty well-known for doing more (and being better - and thus I seem pretty intense) than what is expected of me most of the time.

I just need to be doing something that satisfy me. But exactly what does, that would be my purpose that I still have to find. To put it generally, I want to do something that will affect people's lives significantly, using my interests, strengths, skills and knowledge, and it seems that being a doctor-cum-scientist works...

And it is also precisely because life is unfair that we need to do social justice. To me, a society is functional as long as those who think they need help will get help, and channels for social mobililty are smooth. Life doesn't have to be fair, but as long as there is general social justice it doesn't matter that much...

Life is not fair. It is never meant to be. As long as we can survive and not need help, we should be thankful - and comtribute ourselves to social justice!

对精英倾向与出身论的反思

2008-09-25T11:51:00.007+08:00

Article from Zaobao. The points that I find important are bolded and has a different colour.

I have nothing against meritocracy - but as this article points out, meritocracy might seem fair but in fact it might not be; the difference in starting points very often determines the difference in outcome. Singapore has always been preaching to us that meritocracy is the best system and we always have unreservedly believed in it; it is no doubt a system that works but it is always good to take things with a pinch of salt.

Meritocracy can work better. The author's idea seems to be pretty similar to the idea behind affirmative action, but I think there is a subtle difference between the two.

● 盛思鑫

　　最近在搜狐网站上看到一篇文章，题目是“为何剑桥不肯承认自己是精英学府”。文章立意本是无错，借剑桥之不肯承认自己是精英学府而来批评中国国内某些高校所谓的精英论以及过于追求硬件方面的建设。但此等文章只是帮助普通老百姓发了心里的一些愤懑之气，其实看问题未必十分深刻，于现实的认识流于表面，也就更谈不上有助于改变现实了。

　　事实上，现在英国政府正和剑桥、牛津这两所大学叫板，指责它们在录取学生时向富贵子弟倾斜（例如目前牛津便大约只有十分之一的学生来自贫困家庭），并向这两所学校施压，要求它们录取更多贫寒的优等生，以促进社会公平与和谐。但是这两所大学宣称它们坚持以学术标准而不是家庭背景来取才，并且认为政府不应该干预它们在学术上的自主权。乍一听双方似乎都有道理，但真要把这个问题的是是非非弄清楚，还真不是件容易的事情，因为牵涉到的因素太多了。

司空见惯的逻辑

　　就我个人而言，我十分认同英国政府的基本立场，那就是社会公平与社会和谐是十分重要和基本的价值判断标准。当然，我也赞同录取学生应该要以学术能力和学术表现作为挑选标准。但是这里头有一个起点是否公平的问题。换言之，就是不同学校、不同成长环境的学生，其学术成绩与学术能力是否能直接比较的问题。就我个人的感受和观察以及从现实中的逻辑来看，它们的确是不可以比较的。

　　譬如一个北大的本科生与一个普通大学的本科生如果学业表现差不多，那么他们在报考海外的研究生时，招生录取委员会多半都会选择那个北大而不会选择那个普通大学的。理由是什么呢？无非是因为北大的学术环境要比那所普通大学更为出众，而且北大的学生几乎是集中了中国第一流的青年才俊，在这样的环境中摸爬滚打出来的人才当然要比同等学业表现的普通大学的学子要更为优秀了。

　　为了更好地呈现这种逻辑，不妨将情况说得更极端些：即使是北大学业表现非常靠后的学生，如果将他放在一所普通大学中，他的学业表现也很有可能是出类拔萃的。其实不只是学业表现和晋升了，推而广之到一般的社会评价，套用一句难听点的俗语就是“凤尾也可做鸡头”。不在一个层次，自然是不能比较的了。

　　这种逻辑在现实生活中司空见惯，也为绝大多数人所接受。据我所知，古今中外的确很少人去挑战这套逻辑。那么这到底是这样的一种逻辑呢？在我看来，这套逻辑讲求的实际就是“老子英雄儿好汉，老子反动儿混蛋”的出身论。陈胜、吴广在秦末起义的时候大声呼喊过“王侯将相，宁有种乎？”遗憾的是他们最终没能成事；文革时候一个叫遇罗克的年轻人也曾经撰文反对过毛时代所推行的阶级成分出身划类，但可惜他最后也因此丢掉了自己的性命。古人常常说英雄莫问出处，坊间小说中往往也对草莽英雄津津乐道，可能大概是因为这种经典太少了才能成为传奇吧？

人生而不平等

　　但是此处我想着重强调的是上面的那套逻辑其实是大有问题的。而尽管《独立宣言》说“人生而平等”，但那说的只是一种“应然”状态，而“实然”的情况则是“人生不平等”。生在富贵之家与生在贫穷家庭的小孩，他们日后的人生轨迹重合的部分一般都不会太多。一般地，“富贵之家”（包括中上层阶级）的小孩其童年时代的成长环境都比较好，许多心理学家都已经证明了这种孩提时的物质环境对于日后的性格发展可以带来巨大的影响。

社会学家们则揭示出家庭资源世代传承上的差异往往造成了社会不平等的进一步加剧。葛兰西的文化霸权理论则更深刻地指出了（上层阶级与下层阶级）不同的文化资本与共同的文化意识是导致社会分层与支配关系产生的根源。

　　的确，家庭背景较好的小孩，他更能掌握到这个社会所认为的上乘话语体系，而且他的个人视野也与那些家庭背景较差的小孩有着天壤之别，而在具体行为方面，他们也因为有家庭更为强大的支持而在追求个人的发展与进步时较少受到客观条件的限制，比如能够进入更好的大学，甚至是自费出国去接受好的教育。而后续个人的成就也因为此前的一系列优势累积而呈现出明显的“马太效应”，最后也就有了统治其他人的精英阶层出现。

　　当然，这里一个基本的前提是整个社会的制度设计总体上都是支持这种优势积累与精英主义的，并且社会中也没有力量能够对这样的制度设计提出有力的质疑与改变。如前所述，这样的前提在现实生活中乃至历史中很不幸地是成立的。

必须遵循公平价值

　　那么存在的就一定合理么？追求真正的公平与平等到底有没有价值？第一个问题已经不用解答了，关键在第二个问题。剑桥、牛津这类顶尖大学，它们多招收些贫困生中的优等生可以对大学和社会起到有什么作用呢？我认为这里头的意义非凡，影响巨大。

　　首先，可以增强大学与社会的多样性，因为家庭背景一般或是贫困的学生数量大到一定程度后能够促进精英大学中思想与文化的碰撞，并且这些学生会对未来社会的发展与选择产生巨大的影响。而多样性是社会与自然生态存在与发展的重要基础，单一的选拔标准与单一的社会结构往往会导致很严重的社会不公与价值观偏差。

　　其次，让更多因为外在条件限制的学生可以得到最好的教育与发展机会也有助于减少社会所积累的怨恨，中国古代的科举制度一定程度上起到了这种作用，因为它的确为相当多的贫寒学子开辟了鱼跃龙门的途径，对于维护社会稳定起到了不小的积极作用。相反，如果许多有才能有潜力之人由于没有“好出身”而无法在社会中得到好的发展机会的话，最后肯定有人会想办法努力去推翻既存的制度，从而容易造成社会动荡。

　　最后很重要的一点是，录取那些贫寒出身或是一般出身的优等生很有可能会激发他们更大的潜能，取得非凡的成就。这其中的道理就更简单了，但却常常为人们所忽视：如果一个人在普通甚至是恶劣的环境中都能取得非常不错的成绩，那么如果给他更好的条件和环境，他也往往容易取得更大的进步，更大地发挥自己的潜力。当然我这么说并没有排除“逆境出人才”的可能性，但是我想强调的是现实生活中很明显是“顺境更容易出人才”。

　　所以我们更应该肯定那些在贫困或普通家庭中成长出来的优秀学生，哪怕是他们的学业表现和那些有着绝好成长背景的学生相比有些逊色。正如阿基米德所言，给他一个支点，他便可翘起地球。很多时候，那些在逆境中抗争的人缺的只是一点机遇，即便这种机遇对于那些背景很好的人来说可能是唾手可得，甚至是毫不珍惜。

　　尽管现代社会竞争的残酷性使得一般的逻辑都是在搞优中选优，优胜劣汰，但无节制竞争的结果往往是造成优劣贫富的差距不断扩大，社会分层也在日益走向固化，人们的价值观念与生活状态也在向一些不太好的方向发生变化。孔老夫子曾云“有国有家者，不患寡而患不均，不患贫而患不安”，只可惜这一论断和警示被现在的很多人片面地理解为是在鼓励搞平均主义，并批评说不利于提高效率促进社会发展。但我个人认为，和笼统的民主权利相比较，社会资源分配与个人发展机会上的公平与平等更有其普世价值，我们的确不应该为了竞争或是一时的个人或团体利益，就放弃了对这种普世价值的追求。

Life has never been, and will not be, fair.

2008-09-23T09:36:00.004+08:00

Because it is meant to be that way.

(We have actually already got a pretty large increase in our allowance this year! :P)

Yesterday was A*STAR day - the directors were here and we went down to somewhere near BWI to eat fantastic crabcakes (they loved it - luckily...). I went to speak to Prof. Bernard Tan and Prof. Miranda Yap privately about my Duke/NUS plans; I got a lot of valuable points to think about from both of them. It definitely wasn't a waste of time.

I didn't get to talk about the money issue (because it was running late...), but I got to tell Cheryl about it pretty thoroughly. I think she understands why we are so upset about it now...

Hopkins builds character! Surviving here itself is a test of faith. The competition is extreme, yet still we have to worry about money and safety, in addition to the ubiquitous problems like travelling 6 miles everyday to lab, experiments not working, managing with household chores... We have the same amount of responsibility towards A*STAR compared to others who might not even have 50% of the problems we have. I didn't even include things like missing home and relationship issues...

And to bring in the materialistic side of it, it is not as if I can include 'cleaning house almost every week and cooking almost everyday' into my CV? When I am doing all these, others who do not have to (having enough money helps) can spend their time doing things that can be.

But those people who know me will know - I chose everything myself. I could have stayed in the Homewood for my research; I chose A*STAR + Hopkins over Cambridge and NUS med; I chose to have a car. No one forced me to do anything; everything just happened. I don't even remember why I applied to Hopkins. It is as if - I am supposed to go through all these.

If two years from now I will really choose the route that I am the most passionate about, it would be almost confirmed that my whole life will be something like that. When I am training as a doctor I will still have to stay current with research (~surviving between lab + double major); I will have to juggle between family and work (~housework and work now); when my peers who are pure MDs are getting their third bungalow I might still only live in HDB (~comparing with people who get automatic raises every year); when my peers who are pure PhDs are professors I might still only be an assistant professor (~comparing with people who don't have to be distracted by various other issues except relevant work)...

Everything seems to echo thoughts that I ever had about my life over the three years here, albeit at a much larger scale.

Numerous events accumulated to channel me here... If A*STAR didn't stop the MBBS/PhD scheme in 2004, if I had decided to go with the crowd to seek the most prestigious to become LKY's alumni, all the way back to if I hadn't had Mr. Yue as my VP when I was in Sec. 3 - I wouldn't have come to Hopkins at all, I wouldn't have gained all these experience, life skills and realisations.

I actually didn't plan to write this - and I didn't realise the match that you have just read as well when I began writing this...!

Ich lerne Deutsch.

2008-09-20T12:10:00.001+08:00

This is the hardest set of things that I have made myself do for the past 2 years.

The class meets 4 times a week, homework everyday, quiz every week, in addition, everyday there are new things to memorise...

They haven't bombarded us with the grammar; and because of that I am completely confused as to how to form a sentence that is correct.

On the other hand I feel very happy about it - finally after talking for 2.5 years I really started learning German! I will try to persist through these two semesters but after that when I go back to Singapore it will take quite a bit of effort to continue for one more year... Though seriously, if I don't continue for one more year, my first year of German would be completely wasted...

I am looking forward to the day that I can actually use the language to actually communicate with people :)